


Courtney's Infinite Search for Love

by grinder-lector (chasing_stars_and_cigarettes)



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: AU, Angst, Bisexual, CIS - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lesbian Character, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasing_stars_and_cigarettes/pseuds/grinder-lector
Summary: Have you ever gotten that feeling when you look at a certain person and realise how your life wouldn’t be the same without them? It took me a while to feel it. My name is Courtney and this is the story of my search for love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is based on a story that I would love to have published in the future so criticism would be so highly appreciated.

Have you ever gotten that feeling when you look at a certain person and realise how your life wouldn’t be the same without them? It took me a while to feel it. Before my life just felt kind of incomplete. Sure I had a family and friends and an amazing job but I just needed that special someone in my life.

I’ve spent weeks - months - years searching for the right person. You’re probably wondering what’s so special about me. Like why are you here listening to _my_ story? I mean doesn’t everyone take time to find that special someone? Well hopefully this story is inspiring enough for those who find that they’ve been searching for too long and that there is no hope. Trust me. They will appear some day.

You will go through many trials and tribulations which you honestly will feel you cannot pass through. You will. And you will be successful in your quest for true love.

I know I did. This story is going to explore my most recent interactions with romance and attraction and hopefully it’ll help you out. It was a frustrating experience but boy it was sure worth it.

Hi! My name is Courtney and this is the story of my search for love.

If you asked me to describe myself in one word I honestly wouldn’t know what to say other than nice. My friends would say too nice. And that i’m a perfectionist. Apparently I stress a lot at work because I try to deliver to the best of my abilities and aim to inspire my co-workers slash friends.

I work in a community radio station called Tune 105 which has been going pretty good over the past few years compared to other radio stations around us considering our massive guest from a few months ago. Anyway that’s a story for another day.

Tune 105 is owned by my good friend Dela, who is also runs the bakery below the station. She uses the money she makes from the bakery to fund the station and give us our pay. Oh and she also gives us all free cupcakes which is lovely of her.

She hasn’t really been involved with Tune in a while but on rare occasions she’ll join us for shows and some meetings. Her most recent visit was the Election season meeting.

“OK, ladies and gentlemen,” Dela turned from her flipchart to face us all, “Coming into Election season I think we should replace the 80’s show with more political overviews.”

Hearing this idea both Willam and Bianca’s eyes widened.

“So my wages are gonna be cut?” Willam blurt out.

Poor Willam. Out of all the people in the radio station I’d say Willam was the most unique and original. She wasn’t afraid to say what she liked and certainly provided the kind of content she always wanted to hear. It wasn’t graphic or anything. Its just most of the other presenter kept it formal and to the point without any punch lines or jokes. The downside to working here. Most of them were so strict. Hey, I never said it was perfect.

“I’m sorry to say this but yes. You’ll be earning less than you usually do,” Dela looked at her apologetically, “Bianca, that means you’ll be getting a raise.”

“OK, as good as that sounds I have been busting my ass off already keeping up to date with these debates,” Bianca explained, “And most of the time I barely have any content. How am I going to find more things to discuss? Besides I think compiling lists of Trump’s wacko ass quotes is enough for a pay rise.”

Bianca is like the other boss. When Dela isn’t here she takes charge of how everything goes and how the station is run. She didn’t nominate herself of course. Dela noted how “great minds think alike” and nominated her.

“True. Unless someone else comes up with a better idea then I guess we’ll just stick with that one.” Dela looked around the table searching for at least someone with an idea.

“How about this;”

Oh God. Alyssa with another one of her brilliant ideas.

“How about we just broadcast the entire debate at the end of the week?”

“That’s a fucking terrible idea,” Willam scoffed receiving a punch in the arm from Jay.

“And how is it a terrible idea?” Alyssa asked, the offence thick in her voice.

“Well, Alyssa, sorry to be that person but you need to remember that content needs to be newsworthy and relevant. By the end of the week everyone would have already watched the debate.” Bianca explained, “Picture this; it’s the week David Bowie died and by the end of said week you announce ‘David Bowie has died.’”

A few of us snickered at her spot on impersonation of Alyssa.

“It’s pointless. Its old news. You just need to find a new angle to work with.” Bianca continued.

Alyssa shook her head turning her gaze back to her pink notepad. Poor Alyssa. She really did try.

“Can I jump in?” Willam requested to which Dela granted permission. “OK, so instead of cutting the 80’s show, which I must add is one of the top 3 most listened to shows, why can’t I just do it on one of the free music sessions?”

“Well, we can discuss a preferred day and hour later. Right now, let’s focus on politics.”

A hand slammed down on the table startling most of us.

“Here’s your idea; the Roast of Donald Trump.” Jaremi announced sitting back in his chair as if he just given birth to the best idea to ever grace the planet.

“OK, another terrible idea. One; there has already been a Roast of Donald Trump. Don’t you watch television? And two; have you forgotten about impartiality?” Bianca butchered him.

“I think we could do the roast better than the TV version if we really tried. And no I haven’t forgotten about impartiality. But have you forgotten about _due_ -impartiality?”

“I just don’t want to risk being sued,” Dela admitted.

Jaremi scoffed as his idea was thrown out the window. I didn’t know what was happening with him. Usually his ideas were quite impressive. Jaremi was one of the best reporters to ever join Tune 105. Without Jaremi, DJ and Joslyn wouldn’t have the amazing radio packages to go into their Evening News programme. So it was unlike him to be that rusty.

To be honest it was probably just ’cause politics wasn’t everyone’s forte. Or maybe it was his recent break up with that spooky girl he dated.

Jaremi wasn’t our only reporter of course. We also had Katya who reported for the Breakfast programme hosted by Jinkx and Tammie. Then there was Trixie who reported for Tatianna and Manila’s Noon news programme. And finally, Robbie. Robbie was the Local Affairs reporter which was run by Dela. Coming from Seattle they were close friends with each other and had been for a long time. And Robbie was always keeping Dela right.

“Um, ladies,” Robbie broke his silence, “I don’t want to make you three panic but is that clock right?”

All eyes were now on the clock. 5.57. My point about Robbie proven.

Dela, Adore and Alyssa jumped up from their seats, racing from the room to the studio in a panic. I chased after them as Dela ranted about being late for the 6.00 news.

“You forgot your scripts!” I informed them entering the recording studio. The three looked pretty much swamped already as they got into their positions and adjusted their mics.

“Fuck. Headphones!” Adore blurted out.

Of course! How did they forget about headphones; a crucial part of radio presenting.

I ran to the storage room, searching everywhere for the equipment. After searching for what felt like a minute I found the blasted things in the drawers.

“Finally! We only got a fucking minute to go!” Adore swore as I entered the studio again.

Alyssa stopped practising the script as she plugged her headphones in and began to test her mic.

I left the room and moved on to the editing suite. Everyone stood in front of the window looking on to the studio.

“Going live in 10…9…8…7…” Jay counted down as he turned the presenter mics up. After a moment of silence, the editing room was filled with the sound of Alyssa’s voice.

“My name is Alyssa Edwards and this is the 6 o'clock news…”

It was as if a wave of relief washed over us all as she began to read the news script.

“Oh my God, how funny would it have been if they genuinely forgot?” Willam whispered in my ear. “Or what if their mics were broken?”

“Not very to be honest. Imagine the complaints.” I replied. “And plus I spent ages writing those scripts earlier? Do you know how long it took me to find an update on that plane crash?”

“I would’ve just used the same story you wrote this morning.” Willam smirked.

“Oh yeah ‘cause Dela would be totally fine with that. I mean it’s not like everyone knows about the crash already or anything,” I scoffed sarcastically. Seeing Willam’s goofy smile I couldn’t help but smirk.

“Hey chill out, Court,” Willam rolled her blue eyes, “It was a joke. It’s actually a great script not gonna lie.”

We turned our attention back to the presenters.

“And now over to Dela with the sport…”

Alyssa leaned back in her chair, silently sighing with relief as Dela began to read her section of the script.

I glanced around to Willam again, standing quite close to me now, “It _is_ a great script but I swear I have no knowledge of sports. This sounds like I’m talking out of my ass.”

“No I think it sounds fine…” Willam commented, stopping to listen for a while. She giggled after her moment of silence, “OK, maybe it does sound a bit like you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Writing the weathers the worst part though.” I replied.

Willam tore her gaze away from the presenters turning it to me. She had gotten even more closer to me now. So close that she might as well have put her arm around me and snuggled.

“Courtney, have you ever considered writing scripts for packages? Or even just gone and gotten a job with a paper? I’m not one to give compliments but I swear you’re writing is amazing. Far better than some of the amateurs here,” Willam noted glancing particularly at Katya and Trixie.

“Thanks, Willam,” I replied feeling a pink blush form on my cheeks.

I turned my attention back to Dela, trying hard not to giggle at Willam’s read of Katya and Trixie.

“And now, the weather with Adore.”

“So, are coming to the party tomorrow night?” Willam inquired.

I cursed silently as I nearly forgotten Raja’s birthday party. I hadn’t given myself time to go and find an outfit for it. In that case I definitely wasn’t going. But I didn’t want to sound like a typical girl with that excuse, “To be honest, aren’t we all too old for parties and clubbing?”

“Oh my God, that old excuse? No pun intended.” Willam put her arm around my shoulders, “Come on, Court. Yeah, we’re both 34 but we’re not too old for going out and having a good time. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“But I just…” Crap I couldn’t find another excuse, “I don’t have anything to wear.”

“For fuck sake, you can borrow something of mine!” Willam smirked, “Just please come. Besides, you’ll get to spend more time with me.”

I felt like she was hinting at something with that tone. Something kind of…provocative. Maybe it was just my experience with many one night stands from the past. Men and women approaching me in the clubs discreetly hinting that they wanted in my pants. They always had that same provocative tone.

Fuck who was I kidding? This was Willam we were talking about. The most flirtatious person in the whole station. She even flirted with the fans of her show. They would call in to make song requests and hang up with date arrangements instead.

“Fine, I’ll go.” I replied to which Willam let out a surprised sound and hugged me with excitement.

Adore’s voice caught our attention once again. “So yeah, in simple terms; the weather is gonna be like a woman’s hormones over the next few days. One minute good. Next minute stormy. So prepare to handle that guys. Remember to give it time, keep in mind clouds have feelings too. Don’t try and give it chocolate though. The weather may be like a chick but you cant feed the weather. If you have ever fed the weather I recommend seeing a psychologist. Back to you, Alyssa.”

Alyssa and Dela’s mouths both hung open slightly. Adore’s weather reports always managed to go from 100% professional to ‘Party’ language.

Gathering her focus again, Alyssa looked to the computer screen, “And that is it for the 6 o’clock news report. For all you kids out there getting ready to go out tonight, tune in at 8 for the top 10 charts with Matt. As for now, enjoy hits of the 90’s starting with Michael Jackson’s _Black or White_. Always and forever, Alyssa Edwards.”

Jay turned down the mics and pulled his headphones off, “And that’s a wrap…for now.”

“Fuck I swear I threw up in my mouth.” Adore admitted entering the room.

“You did good…” I smiled, “besides the last kind of word vomit part.”

“I know, man,” Adore sighed throwing herself down on a spinny chair, rubbing her eyes with frustration, “I just try and put my personality out there but it just sounds like I’m on crack.”

“You sound like you usually do. Just weird but creative. Just…you sound ‘Adore’,” Willam started to pack her things up, “You should come out tomorrow night. Shit! We should all get ready in my house actually! Listen to music! Pregame! Just like how the kids do it these days.”

“Of course I’m going. When do I ever miss a party?” Adore replied raising her hand gesturing for me to help her up from the chair. Lazy girl. “You should invite a few others too!”

Willam turned to the group as some packed up their things and others made their way to the door, “HEY, BITCHES! PREGAMING IN MY HOUSE TOMORROW AT 8.00! BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE AND BE THERE OR BE A FUCKING SQUARE!”

Willam turned to face us again, “Wait and see. There will be like 4 of us.”

“Party!” Adore replied. The red head looked away from Willam and hugged me. “That was a good script by the way, Court. What would this station do without you?”

I looked over her shoulder to see Willam smirking. She winked at me before turning to leave the room. Maybe my writing skills were worthy enough to work for a newspaper.

My train of thought was cut short as Adore pulled away and turned towards the door. “Come on. Let’s go get pizza or some shit.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly recommend listening to Heroes by David Bowie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBuwC4VJi50) while reading the scene in which it plays. Like I think the soundtrack to go with this fic helps evoke emotion, yeh know? 
> 
> Oh God. What's happening to me?

“So who’s looking to get with someone tonight?” Adore asked, applying a heavy coat of black eyeshadow to her lid.

“Oh not me, baby,” Alyssa admitted, painting her lips with a bright red colour, “You know I’m not that kind of lady. I am respectful.”

“Have they accepted you into the nunnery yet?” Willam smirked.

“Oh, very funny, Miss Thing. For all you know I could have my eye on someone right now.”

Adore pulled away from the mirror, now looking at Alyssa with wide eyes. “Oh my God. You’re a fucking virgin.”

“I am 36 years of age, Adore. I am _not_ a virgin. I just don’t like to sleep around, throwing my _cat_ at whoever is willing to check it out.” Alyssa replied, pausing to take a sip of her drink.

Unlike Alyssa, Adore took a long swig of her beer before continuing, “So, Man, who do you have your eye on?”

“Bitch, I said maybe.”

No one spoke for a few seconds. Deciding to use this moment, I broke my silence. “Oh come on, Alyssa. There’s obviously someone. Don’t just drop hints to us and then _not_ tell us.”

Alyssa huffed as she zipped her lips together, pretending to lock the invisible padlock before turning back to the mirror.

Willam, Adore and I only stared at her, our eyes burning into the back of her head intimidatingly. It seemed to have some sort of effect as she sighed heavily, turning to us again.

“OK, fine. I do like someone.” She paused seeing our eager smirks. She leaned forward slightly as she whispered, “Y'all know Tatianna from the Noon news programme?”

“Oh my God, why are you whispering?” Adore beamed, letting out a loud cackle of a laugh, “You’re adorable, bitch.”

“Tati’s single too. I think you should get in there.” Willam winked and clicked her tongue.

“Ugh, no. I don’t think so. She’s fine without me.” Alyssa whispered loudly.

“Yeah, the whispering thing is cute.” I commented to Adore before turning back to Alyssa. “Come on! You should just go for it, girl. When was the last time you were in a relationship with someone.”

“Hey, hang on a minute, girl. When was the last time _you_ were in a relationship?” Alyssa rebuked.

I paused in silence, taking a moment to think about my last relationship. There was that one guy who I met Valentines Night 2014. Well to be honest it did only last the weekend so was it worthy of being titled a relationship?

Thinking back earlier, there was also a girl who I dated. She was really into her BDSM so the sex was quite intense. Not my kind of thing.

The more I thought back to it, it was only dating. It wasn’t a relationship.

Oh! But then there was this boy in my class in Elementary school - -

“Don’t think too hard. You’ll hurt yourself.” Willam snickered.

Willam’s comment hadn’t crashed my train of thought though. The more I thought back to the past, the further it went back. Was I ever in a relationship? Had I really failed to find a real boyfriend slash girlfriend? Were all my past lovers just fuck buddies and innocent crushes?

“Oh fuck…” I murmured quite audibly.

“What’s wrong?” Adore’s brows knit together.

“Oh my God…” I paused taking a moment to breathe as panic arose. Why was I overreacting? Christ, where was my well deserved Oscar award? “I’ve never been in a relationship…”

“So?” Willam pulled her eye shadow brush away from her face, turning to shrug at me.

“Like…it’s something I’ve always wanted. To feel loved. But it’s only dawning on me now that all I’ve been doing is sleeping around with random fuckers from the club.” I paused, my eyes wide with astonishment. “Guys I need to find someone to be with! I want to find _the_ one! Like now!”

Willam lightly slapped me across the cheek, “Listen, Meryl Streep, you need to calm down. I’ve never been in a relationship either and I’m as happy as can be. Just enjoy life fucking fuck boys and bitches. You don’t need any of the emotional stuff to go along with it.”

“Willam, that is horrible advice.” Alyssa commented.

“Says the genius with _all_ of the amazing ideas.” Willam rebuked.

Alyssa ignored her and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Courtney, baby, you cant just go through life searching for love. You have to wait for it to find you. You’ll know when you meet that special person. Trust me. You’ll feel that spark. That’s how you know you’ve find your other half.”

I nodded taking in the information before letting my brows knit together, “Wait. A literal spark?”

Alyssa was silent for a few seconds. “Ummm…you know what, I’ll get back to you on that one.”

“According to this bitch…” Our eyes turned to Adore who was now sprawled out on Willam’s bed reading a magazine, “…sometimes you may not feel the spark at first but you’ll just have this gut feeling and you’ll experience a few signs of infatuation. If that happens you gotta make an effort with the person and really try to show them that you think it’s right for you to be together.”

“Stop going through my shit, you slut,” Willam scoffed.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you left your shitty ass magazine laying out.”

* * *

Walking to the place of the party was an obstacle. The dress I borrowed from Willam was skin tight and the boots were so high. I think if we had a penny for everytime Alyssa and I complained or told Willam and Adore to slow down, we’d have enough money to kick Trump out of the election.

Actually, can you do that? Pay money to kick off someone’s campaign?

Anyway, we also had a lot to drink which didn’t make matters easier. And I mean alot.

Adore was singing Backstreet Boys at the top of her lungs - to which Alyssa joined her a few minutes later when they decided “Backstreet Boys suck ass” and Kanye West is better to sing along to - leaving me trailing behind carefully making sure not to twist my ankle.

Feeling an arm link with mine, I looked to see Willam beside me.

“I guess you’re my drunk buddy tonight.” She slurred, beaming a toothy smile at me.

“Your what?” I repeated, my brows knitting together.

“Drunk buddy! You and I are sticking together tonight and we’re gonna do shots and hold each others’ hair when we throw up and protect each other from creeps.”

“Don’t you want to hook up with someone tonight?”

“Well, yeah but, we have standards. You can’t just hook up with anyone, you know.”

“Oh, I see! In that case, we’re gonna have fun, drunk buddy!”

“Oh my god,” Willam chuckled. “You’re like…so cringy. But it’s adorable. I love it.”

I smiled back as Willam made a sloppy attempt to grab my hand. Helping her out, her manicured fingers locked with mine, keeping my hand warm from the cold air.

* * *

Only 5 minutes in the club and Adore and Alyssa had both already ran off to the dance floor. Thank fuck for the drunk buddy system.

“C’mon! I wanna get us some drinks.” Willam shouted over the music, tugging on my wrist.

“I’m actually going to go say Happy Birthday to Raja.” I shouted back.

“Oh, come on, Court! You have all night to do that! Pleeeeaaaase.” Willam’s bottom lip quivered as she gave me puppy dog eyes.

How could I not fall for those pretty blue eyes that pleaded with me. She was just too damn adorable when she was that drunk.

In fact was it even a good idea to drink more? We were already at a high level.

You know what? Fuck it. It was.

Trying not to get smooshed by all the bodies in front of the bar, Willam leaned over to me shouting, “What’re you drinking?”

Failing to make my mind up I just replied, “Whatever you’re getting.”

“Bartender?? Bartender??!!”

I flushed as Willam began to flounce around in an attempt to catch the bartenders attention. Succeeding, she pushed the people in front of her to the side moving closer to the bar, still clutching my hand in a protective grip.

“Can I get two double vodka red bulls?”

Oh fuck.

As the bartender took the money he walked away and started working on our beverages. Willam leaned over to whisper something in my ear beginning a pointless chat about robots but midsentence started singing along when Fleetwood Mac came on.

I giggled uncontrollably at how adorably drunk she was.

But the laughs didn’t last long as two rough hands pushed me forward from behind. I fell into Willam which halted her singing. She pulled away looking behind me, my eyes following her gaze as I turned around.

“You can’t just jump to the front! There’s a fucking line, bitch!” The man was tall and his face was stern. To say I was scared was an understatement.

“Hey, limp dick! Don’t you fucking push her again!” Willam shouted, stepping up to the man and pushing him back. “And she’s not a bitch! She’s my drunk buddy!”

“I don’t care what she is and I don’t care what you are either. Go put some clothes on, whore.” The man rebuked squaring up to the tiny thing that was Willam.

“Ever fought a lady?” Willam challenged shoving the man once again but with more force.

The man stumbled back, clearly intoxicated with alcohol, nearly losing his balance. His face twisted with rage as he charged towards us.

I was ready to pull Willam out of the way when a small ball of energy knocked into the man, knocking him to the ground.

Jaremi had him pinned to the ground his left hand firmly on his chest holding him down and the other raised in a fist high above his head.

“Thanks, Jaremi,” I shouted sighing with relief. He didn’t seem to hear me though as he started hurling verbal abuse at the drunken mess of man.

“What a cunt.” Willam commented, holding the drinks in her hands. When did she even get them?

Passing me my glass, we made our way to the dance floor, Nine Inch Nails replacing Fleetwood Mac.

Reaching a spot where we were comfortable Willam encouraged me to down my drink in one go. With much regret I complied, knocking back the beverage as fast as she did. The vodka burned my throat making me cringe. I passed my empty glass to some random person, who surprisingly took the glass, and started swaying to the erotic song.

Willam pointed behind me, my eyes following to where she was pointing as I turned around. There was Alyssa and Adore having a whale of a time dancing with themselves - Alyssa’s moves more sharp than Adore’s seductive swaying. The red head rolled her eyes as she put her hands on Alyssa’s shoulders mouthing to slow down.

We giggled as the two began to grind against each other, something Alyssa would never usually do. God, she was so drunk.

“She’s gonna try it,” Willam slurred in my ear. “Just watch.”

And as if on cue, Adore leaned forward closing her eyes and gently taking Alyssa’s face in her hands.

Alyssa backed away looking at Adore with a bewildered expression before passing her to Bianca as if she were a baby she didn’t want to hold.

Then Adore went for Bianca and again Bianca wasn’t having any of her drunk shenanigans and passed her to the nearest person who just so happened to be Jay.

And finally Adore got her make out session. The two swayed under the flashing lights as they ate each others faces.

I looked to Alyssa as she rolled her eyes and laughed with Bianca. Her eyes widened though when she saw Tatianna approach them both, the taller girl wrapping her arms around the two and screaming with excitement. Bianca greeted her back with as much excitement but Alyssa only froze as she patted Tati on the back. God, she was like a teenage girl, it was adorable.

My attention was brought back to Willam as she grabbed my waist and turned me around, mouthing along to the music.

Similar to Adore’s actions, Willam gently grabbed my face pulling it closer to hers. I felt butterflies in my tummy as her lips were only a few inches off mine. What the fuck was happening to everyone? Was there something in the air? Why was everyone so goddamn horny?

Willam turned my face as her mouth was only a few inches from my ear.

“I am soooo drunk.”

She pulled away as the butterflies in my belly disappeared. She continued to dance with me, not letting go of my hips.

And before we knew it, the song was over.

“Let’s do shots!” Willam shouted.

After what just happened I wasn’t saying no to alcohol. There was something definitely in the air and if it was going to get me then I was going to be drunk for it. And I didn’t care if I had work in the morning.

As Willam pulled me back to the bar, I noticed Adore and Jay also leaving the dance floor hand in hand. Adore was giggling like a drunken teenager as she continued to look at Jay. Lucky her.

Upon reaching the line for the bar, which Willam insisted on pushing through again, we met Detox who just started her shift.

“Oh shit. This bitch.” Willam joked pulling money out from her purse.

“Hi, Detox!” I beamed at her.

Detox was also from the Tune 105. She had an entertainment show on Friday afternoons with Roxxxy and Alaska. I hadn’t really talked to her in my time at working with the station. But she was lovely.

She wiggled her fingers when she noticed us. “Hey, ladies. What can I get you both.”

“Tequila?” Willam turned to me. I nodded in agreement before Willam turned back to Detox. “Yeah, get us two tequila shots.”

Detox gave us a coy smile as I missed the fact Willam discreetly held up six fingers and smirked.

It took me a while to be convinced to drink all 3. But now that I think back I was actually grateful to have taken them.

On the way to the dance floor we passed by a few others from the station. Shangela. Tammy. Jinkx. Matt. And a few others that I can’t really remember.

Willam and I were back at our spot dancing to whatever weird song was playing. What the fuck was even with the music?

We didn’t have to suffer listening to it much longer as it ended. Willam gasped with excitement when David Bowie’s _Heroes_ started to play.

“What the fuck. Everyone’s acting weird.” Willam chuckled.

I looked around. Nearly everyone was slow dancing or grinding or just flitting around like they were butterflies. I could see why she was entertained.

Alyssa and Tatianna caught my attention again. The two were just slow dancing slash hugging slash swaying on the spot. Tatianna was singing along with the song while Alyssa just smiled like a child at Christmas.

“Courtney, everyone’s fucked up. We’re all so fucked up.” Willam giggled putting her hands on my waist initiating our own slow dance. Her giggles settled down as our foreheads connected. Not knowing what to do, Willam helped me by wrapping my arms around her neck.

We began to slowly sway along with the beat of the song. At first I was freaked out by what was happening but the swaying managed to relax me. I kept my eyes on Willam her face moved closer to mine.

God, even with the flashing lights bouncing from the walls to her face couldn’t hide how pretty she was.

And with that thought I snapped back to reality. I had never really thought of Willam that way. I knew I joked about her being adorable but Christ I had never stopped to think about how beautiful she actually was.

_“I, I will be king_   
_And you, you will be queen_   
_Though nothing, will drive them away_   
_We can be heroes, just for one day.”_

Willam’s lips were dangerously close to mine now. And there was that feeling again. The butterflies. What did they mean? Danger? Or anticipation?

As the lock was sealed I felt the blood rush to my head. But not in a bad way. I felt light and fuzzy. What was this feeling? I hadn’t even felt this way with others. Was there still something in the air?

My train of thought cut off as Willam pulled away, smirking at me. But I didn’t want it to end. I reached up taking Willam’s cheek in my hand, pulling her forward so our lips could meet again.

Our lips moved together as my hand snaked to the back of Willam’s head. My heart fluttered as her tongue flicked against my lip seeking entrance. I opened my mouth as our tongues slid together and our lips were still in motion.

Willam trailed a hand up to my face caressing my cheek. And it was then I realised that this was my chance. I couldn’t remember any other time I felt so in love with someone. I was so happy and relaxed in that moment of our kiss.

I was determined to make this work. I was so fucking determined.

Willam pulled away, never letting go of me as she leaned towards my ear. “Come back to my place, Court.”

She briefly flicked her tongue over my earlobe causing me to moan. I flushed with embarrassment realising how audible it was.

I pulled out of Willam’s grasp looking down to her small hand. I tangled my fingers in hers before replying, “Let’s go then.”

Leaving the club, I didn’t stop to see how Alyssa was doing with Tatianna. The only person that mattered to me in that moment was Willam. Her hand wrapped around mine made me smile like the biggest dork ever.

Outside Willam tried to catch a cab, still clutching my hand in her own.

“Goddammit, we’d be better to walk home.” Willam sighed.

“Willam Belli and Courtney Act!”

We jumped at the sound of our names. Turning, there was Raja, Jinkx, Jay and a very stoned Adore in the alley.

“Where are you both going?” Adore practically shouted as she floated up to us.

“Girl, you smell like a college dorm room.” Willam commented.

“I know what’s going on here.” Adore ignored Willam pointing her finger sassily at us. Her eyes were glassy and red and she did indeed smell like a dorm room. “Just remember what I said Courtney. You gotta really try!”

I nodded feeling awkward about the whole situation. “I sure will.”

“You go get ‘em, bitch,” Adore gave me the thumbs up going back to the others. “I love you.”

“Gosh, she’s so stoned.” I commented.

“Thank fuck!” Willam exclaimed as a cab pulled up.

Well! This was going to be a fun night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was too much of a pussy to write proper smut :D

Thinking about the night gives me mixed emotions. Don’t get me wrong. Some events were hilarious. Like the fact that when we got in the bloody cab David Bowie was playing again and we just laughed about how it must’ve been fate.

But all the vivid images and blackouts make me feel dizzy as I try to piece everything together in order to figure out what else I did while smashed.

I vaguely remember parts of the journey to Willam’s home; one minute Willam and I would be taking selfies, another we were singing that bloody Bowie song, and another we’d be casually making out as the driver scoffed in the front.

And for one moment, we sat apart in complete silence. I was just watching out the window at all the closed down shops, the cars and the people outside nightclubs smoking and getting into fights. Nothing interesting.

I looked around to see her glaring out the window, streetlights making her sandy blonde hair shine more. She must’ve sensed that I was looking because she looked around too. She smiled at me for a while before reaching over, putting her hand on my upper thigh.

My breathing hitched as her fingertips began to glide slowly higher. Knowing exactly what was going on in her head, I parted my legs slightly letting her hand slip down to my lace underwear.

As she started to stroke me through the thin layer of fabric all I could think was how we had gotten to that stage. Did Willam even like me in that way? Yeah, she flirted a lot at the station but she flirted with a lot of people.

I just hoped that I was making the right decision as she pulled her hand away slightly. Before she could get comfy again, I grabbed her hand and put it back where it was. Her touch was so drawing. So gentle yet demanding. Is that even possible?

Willam laughed at how keen I was. I didn’t know whether she just successfully seduced me or if I genuinely felt a connection. Was this love or lust? I needed to know. There was no pussying out now, especially when I was in too deep.

And you know what? I came to the conclusion that it was love. And there was _no_ way our thing would just be for tonight. I’m tired of empty romance and casual hookups with desperate miserables from clubs and bars. I need to feel this connection more. My body tingles thinking about it. I swear, as I lay on the bed with Willam between my legs I couldn’t stop thinking about the connection. _Our_ connection.

So hours later after I’ve had the best sex of my life, I’m lying here letting my fingers glide up and down her spine with feathery touches. I muster up all my courage and lean down so my lips are inches from her ear.

“Willam? Can I ask you something?”

She seems to shiver at the feeling of my hot breath on her ear. She turns her head slightly so her eyes are on me. “Holy shit, Court. I honestly expected you to be one of those innocent schoolgirl types when it comes to sex. But fuck…that was…”

I blush at the compliment shimmying closer to her. “Thanks. Um, I was just wondering…can we try and date or something? And I’m not just choosing you because of what we just did but.”

I pause trying to find my words. But how could anyone be talking while those eyes are just looking right back at you intimidatingly. I honestly can’t tell if my heart just sped up or just died.

“It’s just…there’s something about you. I wouldn’t say alluring…maybe more…enchanting? Like…I feel a connection…and- -”

Willam flips over onto her back and laughs like a seal before I can continue my mushy speech. Nice one Courtney.

“Oh my God, you’re so adorably weird. ‘Enchanting’? ‘Connection’??” She pauses to laugh again.

God, I don’t know whether to feel embarrassed for myself or feel all warm inside ‘cause, fuck, her laugh is cute.

“OK, Shakespeare. How about we hang out during my shift tomorrow?” Willam suggests.

My eyebrows knit together in confusion as I trace small patterns on her chest, “Won’t you be busy?”

“Court’, it’s only 80’s music. Not the political overview. Trust me. We can just chill out.”

“OK. I gotta go and do the news bulletin script anyway. So, fine by me.” I beam leaning in to plant a small kiss on her lips.

* * *

 

“Hello…thanks, Sebastian! Now whatchya want. A shoutout or request?…Oh, Goddammit, that song of all the songs?…Yeah, but I have better songs on the system…”

Willam holds the phone between her shoulder and cheek, turning to her computer screen. I get out of my seat and move around to the system, seeing what song this  _Sebastian_ requested. She groans loudly as it appears.

“ _Everybody wants to rule the World_ …that’s not a bad song actually,” I comment sitting on the edge of the desk.

“D’ya hear that, Sebastian? My lady friend thinks it’s a good song too. Feel better?…Yes, lady friend as in  _lady friend…_ No, I can’t deal with threesomes. Too many limbs and shit…”

I laugh at her lovely choice in words.

“…Anyway, it’s coming up after this song. I gotta go…Later, Sebastian.”

Willam groans as she hangs up the phone, sliding back into her chair. “I hate that song so much. It’s killing me knowing I have to play it.”

“Can’t you just  _not_  play it? I mean, it is your show after all.” I suggest.

“It may be my show but it’s Dela’s station.” Willam replies, her tone full of disappointment.

“Well, how would Dela know?”

“I just worry about shit like that. I wanna be safe, you know?”

I slide off the table and lean over Willam, my hands planted on the arm rests of her spinny chair. “Scared to break the rules? Of all people to be worried about not playing a song, it’s _you_.”

“Hey, come on. I just wanna keep my job.” Willam shrugs in defense, looking away from me.

“Hey,” I address her, requesting her attention. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

My face is only a few inches from hers. I smile mischievously as she gives up with a groan.

“Fine. Fuck that song!” Willam smirks. “Wanna choose one?”

“Sure.” I agree pushing away from the chair.

“Choose anything. 98% chance it’ll be on the system.”

Willam pushes the keyboard in my direction. I’m not gonna lie I want to turn on that David Bowie song, not just ‘cause it’s our song now but because it’s amazing. But I figured it would be overkill on the _Heroes_ joke.

“Ooh, I like this one.” I comment excitedly, my fingers working on finding the song.

“ _Come On, Eileen._ Nice. I like that one too.”

“Perfect for dancing, am I right?” I ask, pulling Willam to her feet.

“Wait, I don’t dance sober!”

She can’t dance sober? I don’t care. I just continue dancing around the room, pulling her with me. After a while of protesting, Willam finally gives in and dances along.

“Thought you said you couldn’t dance.” I try.

“Bitch, I said I _don’t_ dance sober.” Willam replies, doing her seal laugh again. Ugh, I love it.

“Well just for your information; you’re pretty sober now.”

“Or am I?” Willam teases spinning me away from her, our hands grasped tight together to save me from falling.

“I dunno. Sometimes it’s so hard to tell ‘cause you’re weird anyway,” I snicker as she pulls me back towards her. Using her free hand, she places it on the small of my back pulling me closer. Our torsos are touching now. And we’re kissing. In the middle of the broadcasting room.

Hmmm, kissing at work. How scandalous.

“Holy shit, kissing at work! how scandalous!” As the owner of the voice reads my mind and repeats my exact thoughts, we tear apart.

There’s Adore, holding a plate of cupcakes. She cackles as Willam wipes her mouth and I smooth down my clothes.

“It’s OK. Everyone saw you both last night. It was sexcellent!” Adore is really getting a kick out of this as she continues to laugh.

“What is this? High school?” Willam groans sitting back in her chair.

“Who’s the better kisser?” Adore continues.

“Stop.” Willam replies.

“What does she taste like!?” She quite audibly whispers to Willam.

“Like the taste of your hole after I shove my shoot up it.” Willam shoots back.

I break my silence, attempting to prevent any further drama, “OK, this just went from 0 – 100 pretty fast!”

Willam chuckled. “Yeah, shit. Too far, Willam,” she pauses to slap the back of her hand lightly, “Too far.”

“So are you guys going together now?” Adore questions, seating on the guest speaker table. She sits the plate of cupcakes down, taking one for herself. I’m the next to receive one. “It’s vegan, don’t worry. So…relationship status, please.”

“In fact, let’s not talk about Willam and I.” I suggest licking a bit of icing. “How about you and Jay?”

Adore’s face turns bright red as she nearly falls from the table laughing. “Touché.”

“I try.” I smirk.

Adore crosses her legs. I guess she wants to get comfy before this tale begins. “Eh, it was just a one-time thing, Man. Jay’s cute and all but he only likes me cause I’m the only other person here who smokes weed. He gives me free shit!”

“Actually, there’s also Raja and Jinkx,” I correct her.

“Well the only smoker close to Jay’s age then.”

“Jinkx is 29! You’re 27 and Jay is 28. That logic is bullshit.” Willam smirks sitting back in her chair.

“Yeah but Jinkx is still older. Anyway, we only made out and smoked together last night. What did you two do?” Adore’s got this mischievous expression on her face again. Such a child.

Willam sinks into her chair, a smirk streaking across her lips. “We planned to keep the Mexicans’ safer from Trump by covering them in a dome so the wall will be the least of their worries if he becomes President…”

“Party.” Adore’s eyes are wide, her lips are slightly parted and she’s nodded slowly. “Willam, I’m so proud of you. You managed to bag the hottest bitch in this fuckin’ place.”

“That would be yours truly actually.” Willam comments.

I sit my cupcake next to me, leaving it unfinished for now. “So do - -”

“I’m gonna go.” Adore interrupts as she hops off the table. “Courtney, I know it’s hours until the news bulletin but could you give me some ideas for adlib at the end of my weather report? I always try to improv but fuck it up.”

“Um, yeah. Sure.” I nod my head.

“Cool,” she speaks with a mouthful of cupcake. A bit of icing falls on her shirt to which she wipes it off with a finger and puts it in her mouth. “I’m out, motherfuckers.”

She smiles before leaving Willam and I alone again.

There’s a moment of silence as I just watch as Adore turns the corner in the corridor. I break out of my daze as Willam curses and abruptly turns to the system, turning her mic up. “And that was…something definitely 80’s. It was great, huh. And before that we had _Come on, Eileen._ Yep! Things are getting pretty 1980’s school disco up here in Tune.105. Up next we have Fleetwood Mac with _Everywhere._ Excuse me while I continue my date.”

I pretend to cry happy tears as Willam turns the mic off and plays the song. She’s such a dork. She slides back into her chair. “So what are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing, to be honest. I’m still recovering from last night.” I reply. “But if you want, we could do something.”

“Come to Karaoke! Everyone’s going. Come on. It’ll be fun.” Willam nudged me with foot. “Please come. Then I swear we won’t have to get drunk for the rest of the week.”

“There’s no point in that if Sunday is tomorrow.” I laugh.

“I know, it isn’t fair.” Willam shakes her head somberly. Her face falls as she gives me puppy dog eyes and quivers her lip.

“OK, fine. I’ll make an appearance.” I give in.

Willam squeals with excitement and I feel my insides melt. She lifts her hand and gestures for me to come closer. Obliging, she cups my face with her hand and we begin kissing at work again. How scandalous.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry...no smut.

“Ooh, someone’s going out tonight!”

I pause from applying my lipgloss to turn to my roommate, Alaska, who’s standing there smirking at me.

“Yeah, I’m going to the staff karaoke night. Aren’t you coming?“ I asked turning to the mirror again.

Alaska and I had gotten involved with Tune.105 together back in college. We were only there for work placement but Dela admired my script writing skills and said Alaska had the perfect personality for the going on the air. She loved us so much, she had to keep us.

“I don’t wanna go,” she drawls and groans at the same time, leaning against the door, “I hate looking after everyone.”

“True. But without You, Lasky, we would be all dead by now.” I point out.

“You have an excellent point but I’m still not going.” Alaska clarifies, closing the zip of her fluffy jacket showing how comfortable she already is. “So are you going with Willam?”

“I think? Like I’m meeting her there but I expected her to come here or I go meet her at her home.” I sigh, rolling my eyes.

“Courtney,” she drawls moving away from the wall and wrapping her long slender arms around me. “Don’t be worrying about stupid little things like that. It doesn’t mean shit. Just go out tonight, have fun and get wasted.”

“I don’t think I can after last night to be honest.” I groan remembering the sickening feeling I felt when waking up in Willam’s bed.

"You’ll be fine. You can do it, gurl.” I hear Alaska encourage me as she goes to the kitchen for food.

* * *

I walk through the doors of the bar, dressed all classy in a rose gold play suit. I see Willam standing at the bar. She waves excitedly to me, calling me over. God, she looks so cute in short dungarees.

"Look at you.” I greet her with a light peck on the lips.

“Look at me? Look at you more like it, walking in here like you’re Britney.” Willam teases.

Before I can continue an excited scream erupts from the speakers deafening nearly everybody.

"Courtney! You’re here!” Adore slurred on stage as she holds the mic lazily to her face with a wobbly hand. Her smile drops as her eyes cast to the lyrics screen “Oh fuck! _Oh, and feel you near me…Driving in my car…Driving home for Christmas…”_

Adore moves the mic away from her mouth to Jaremi’s face as he’s sitting nearby. He takes the mic proudly, clearly had a bit too much to drink by the looks of it, and continues the song. “ _Driving home for Christmas…With a thousand memories…”_

Adore attempts to take the mic back but fails miserably as Jaremi continues.

_“_ _I take look at the driver next to me…He's just the same.”_ Jaremi gives a sloppy smirk before Adore pulls the mic back with force.

She looks at her audience with glassy eyes and finishes her performance. _“He's driving home, driving home…Driving home for Christmas.”_

I stop listening as Willam begins to speak. “She’s fucked. She’s sang twice already and they were both Christmas songs. Katya told me.”

I stop myself from falling to the floor at Adore’s drunken antics, moving to the bar to order a drink.

A few seconds later, Adore’s done singing and she curtseys before bringing the mic back to her huge lips.

“OK, all you motherfuckers out there need to tune into Tune.105 every day at 6.00PM to hear me be a slutty weather girl. OK, thank you.” She passes the mic to the DJ oblivious to the fact he had turned her mic down half way through her self promo. She stumbles away from the stage running to hug me. Her drunkenness causes her to practically topple over on me.

“Wow, you were great up there, Adore.” I commend her.

“I know, man.” She slurs.

“Willam, you’re up!” We hear Dela shout.

“Oh, fuck.” Willam, swears downing a shot. “This should be good.”

We cheer (well I did, Adore could only manage a nod) as she makes her way to the stage. She takes the mic from the DJ after choosing her song.

“Don’t judge me if this sucks.” Willam commented as the music started.

Then she begins a cover of _I wanna Dance with Somebody._ I cringe as she starts going all Mariah Carey on us. She’s not even drunk which only makes the scene extra hilarious.

Willam glances in my direction and I laugh before blowing a kiss mockingly. I then look to Adore who just looks in another world, smiling like a Cheshire cat and her eyes slightly closed. Don’t drink, kids.

* * *

An hour later, we’re slightly drunk and discussing Disney movies in a booth.

“That’s horse shit.” Willam comments, taking a sip of her margarita. “That’s the worst Disney movie ever made.”

“No! Frozen is the best. I think the Box Office figures should clearly show that.” I defend my point. “What makes Frozen so bad?”

“The fact it’s basically the Lion King?” Willam suggests. I scoff which encourages her to continue her point. “They both open up with songs of their origin language, both families in the movies are faced with tragedy causing the hero to run away and sing a song about forgetting about their worries while their homes are turning to shit…”

“Well, the Lion King was theorized to be based off _Kimba the White Lion_ so technically Frozen is still not based off the Lion King.” I feel the regret to inform her as I feel proud and take a sip of my drink.

“So, Courtney,” Willam starts, trying to avoid the fact I’m right, “What do you actually want to do in life?”

“Like as a career?” I question, feeling confused by the question. “I wanna keep working for Tune.”

“Yeah, but do you actually wanna be a news bulletin writer for the rest of your life?” Willam suggested.

I blink at the forward question. “Well to be honest I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Well maybe you should ‘cause I think you would make a really good script writer for the radio packages.” She pauses to look me seriously in the eye and places a hand over mine. “Or who knows; maybe you could go write for a newspaper and then in the future you could be writing for Time magazine!”

“I honestly don’t know, Willam.” I groan. “Part of me says that I do have better things going for me. But another part of me is telling me to stay with Tune. I can’t leave my friends.”

Willam’s silent for a few seconds before she scoffs. “Goddammit, I was trying to hypnotize you with my eyes. Anyway, back to the serious part. I seriously think you should keep thinking about it, Court.”

“I will. I promise.” I smile at her.

There’s a moment in which we’re just silent, staring at each other and smiling. How weird. Who just sits in a bar and stares at someone?

A hand slams down on the table, freaking us the fuck out, shocking us back to reality.

“YOU BITCHES LOOK LIKE YOU NEED SOME SHOTS!”

I’m startled when a round tray practically falls down onto the table in front of me. There are five shots of tequila. Willam’s got one too. Yikes.

Tammy, Robbie, Bianca and Raja and sitting around us urging us to down the little glasses of death.

“A toast to the happy couple.” Tammie teased.

“Haha. Yeah, it’s a comedy party tonight.” Willam groaned, sarcasm thick in her tone. She eyes the tray of shots with a hint of regret in her eyes.

“Let’s just get it over with.” I act like I’m brushing off the fact I’m worried for my head. I lift the first glass to which Willam mimics. We look at each other before quickly downing the first glass and moving on to the others. It was safe to say that by the last one I was completely obnoxiously drunk.

The group around us cheer and tease me about how I look a bit green. Willam’s distracted by the DJ as someone just finishes their song.

“We got any more volunteers for the night?” The DJ asks.

“I say you have a turn, Courtney.” Willam turns to me.

I cringe at the thought of singing in my current state. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

Willam turns to face the DJ and points at me. “She’ll do it!”

Lifting my wide eyes to her I begin to protest and make excuses as to why I wouldn’t sing. Stage fright…too drunk…can barely see through glassy eyes…

5 minutes later I’m on stage throwing myself around screaming the words to _I love Rock and Roll_ by the ever so wonderful Joan Jett. I swear I have stumbled 5 times. Like not, discreetly. It looks like I’m ready to crash. And it’s all because of me throwing myself around this small stage. But I can’t help it. I just feel so happy. And complete. I just love feeling this way. And I love Willam. I swear.

* * *

“Courtney…”

“Willam?”

“We’re both incredibly drunk…” Willam pauses, slipping an arm around my waist. We’re just sitting in the booth watching Adore and Jaremi sing. Well, trying to sing. They are smashed. And I’m smashed. Willam’s smashed. Basically the place completely smashed.

It’s rather empty now. Half of the staff were gone. Jinkx and DJ were sitting in a booth talking quietly to each other. Matt and Jay are trying to be discreet in another booth, rolling joints. Alyssa’s at the bar blushing like a teenage girl with Tatianna drunkenly singing Meatlove to her. And there’s a few others.

And as I said before, there’s Adore and Jaremi.

_“_ _You're a bum! You're a punk!”_ Adore screams at Jaremi through the mic nearly deafening the remainder of the crowd.

_“You're an old slut on junk! Lying there almost dead! On a drip in that bed”_ Jaremi rebukes in a really bad Irish accent.

Adore looks like she’s about to tackle Jaremi. Like really pounce on him and beat the shit into him. But I can’t help but just sit and laugh at the scene. _“_ _You scumbag! You maggot! You cheap lousy faggot! Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God, It's our last!”_

Luckily she doesn’t pounce as they wrap their arms around each others shoulders looking out to the audience. How dramatic.

_“The boys of the NYPD choir still singing 'Galway Bay' and the bells are ringing out for Christmas day.”_

Adore whispers something to Jaremi and nearly tumbles off the stage as she approaches Willam and I, leaving poor Jaremi looking for a new partner to sing with.

“I got bored. Some asshole keeps playing Christmas songs guys. I swear I wanna shoot my face.” Adore slurs as she slides up to us.

“Do you want to go home?” I try to utter, feeling quite light myself.

“Yeaman shore.” Adore slurs quietly.

“What was that?”

“Yeah man…suuure…”

“OK, we’ll call a cab.” I reassure her. “It’ll go to your place first- -”

“Noooo…I wanna stay with you tonight, Court’,” Adore slurs, grabbing onto my elbows and bending over while groaning. I sigh heavily looking to Willam for help.

“It’s OK.” Willam nods reassuringly. “Take her for tonight. We’ll catch up.”

I smile looking down to Adore. “Lighten up, soldier. You’re coming home with me.”

Adore squeals with excitement, hugging me abruptly which startles me in my drunken state. Willam does her seal laugh as she helps pull Adore away from me and to the door. The taxi’s already outside. I guess Willam called it whilst Adore begged me to stay over.

* * *

The ride home is painful. Willam is on the left, I’m on the right and Adore is in the middle singing Hakuna Matata.

Was I happy to have Adore come home with me? Of course I am. I want to make sure she’s OK. She’s in a worse state than me despite how drunk I am. Someone needs to take care of her.

But I also want to be going home with Willam. Practically the moment she was singing in the bar I was itching to get her home and in my bed. But like she said; She’ll make it up to me.

"I'll text you next time you wanna meet up." Willam holds my hands as she stands beside the cab. I look around to Adore who's fiddling with my keys at the front door. Looking back round to Willam I lean forward so our foreheads are touching.

"I'll be waiting." I whisper.

Willam's hand slips to the back of my neck drawing my lips to crash onto hers. Our lips move rhythmically before letting our tongues explore each others mouths. I could've swore I just heard her moan slightly. I swear this kiss is killing me and it's only just begun. Goddammit why did I have to agree to letting Adore stay over? I swear I would do anything to have her come in with me.

"SHAAAAAAAAME!" Adore yells before letting out a train of cackles.

"Adore!" I shout after her as she enters the house.

I turn to Willam again to see her smirking. I manage to stifle a laugh. She leans forward leaving a soft kiss on my mouth before bidding me goodnight. I return the gesture as she gets into the cab. I watch as it pulls away and keep watching until it disappears out of my line of vision. I turn and make my way into the house, ready to struggle getting a very drunken Adore into bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AN: So I did an all-nighter to complete an essay so Ii had a few free days including this one. So I decided to write another chapter to this. 
> 
> Anyway, lots of love…
> 
> ~Grinder

 

“Courtney…Courtney!”

 

My eyes crack open at the feeling of cold hands nudging my shoulder. Just as my eyes adjust to the scene before me I squeeze them shut again as I stretch out my limbs.

 

“Courtney!” 

 

I jump feeling a sharp jab in the ribs. “What is wrong with you? Can’t you see I’m hungover?”

 

“Yeah, cool. But listen to this!” Adore beams as she shows me a random number on her phone. I give her quizzical look causing her to sigh. “I just got off the phone with him. It’s the guy from last night.”

 

My eyebrows knit together practically. “What guy?”

 

“Remember the guy who flirted with me after some jerk sang _All I want for Christmas is You?_ ”

 

“Adore, _you_ sang _All I want for Christmas is You…”_ I speak with a croaky voice. Christ, water would be greatly appreciated right now.

 

“Yeah, that’s what I said.” Adore looked bewildered for a moment before carrying on. “The guy who wanted to offer me to be a singer for that bar! Like a live singer. But I said no ‘cause it seemed shady. You remember how he came back later and fucking Alyssa gave him my number?”

 

“I remember virtually none of that.” I take a moment to breathe in just to sigh it all out heavily.

 

“It was after you and Willam did the shots!” Adore cackles for a moment before continuing. Glad she’s getting a kick out of my misery. “Anyway, that was him. He told me to come meet him sometime this week. Do you think I should?”

 

I think about it for a second before responding. “If I can come with you then yes.”

 

“OK.” She beams a bright smile at me. How is Adore this cheery whilst hungover. I swear she was in a worse condition than us last night. She takes her phone and leaves the room leaving me to just sink back down onto the mattress beneath the blanket.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s Wednesday. Willam hasn’t messaged me at all. I haven’t seen her either. But I suppose that’s because she only does shows on Wednesdays and Saturdays. So I may definitely see the little shit today. 2:30? Yes! Half an hour until she gets here. I’m gonna square up to her, the strong little aussie that I am. I’ll demand an answer. I swear.

 

“Courtney?”

 

I turn my attention away from my computer to the doorway. I feel my muscles relax as I realise it’s not the little shit who shall not be named but Tatianna and Manila. 

 

“We’re gonna go get dinner if you wanna come.” Tatianna informed me, biting into a chip.

 

“I’m fine. I have to finish the news bulletin script.” I turn back to my computer trying to remind myself that it was the true reason I was there. Not for Willam.

 

“Well, snooze you lose.” Tatianna waved before turning to leave.

 

“Feel free to change the music! Bye, Court.’” Manila managed to say before the door could close fully.

 

Turning to my computer I realise that I have hours until the news bulletin needs to be read. I guess I could have some time to relax and listen to a few songs. 

 

I get up and move towards the recording room. I cringe at the sound of Justin Bieber playing. Christ, why did Dela even have this on the system? Well, I guess his new songs aren’t that bad. But this shit playing right now is bad Bieber era. I’m suffering as I cringe and struggle to find a song. Finally, I come to a song that catches my eye. Coldplay! Oh thank fuck. No more Bieber.

 

I sit down on the chair, lay back and try and relax for a bit. As I relax I think back to yesterday when Adore and I met up with that guy from the bar. His name was Richard Powers but he liked ‘Dick’ apparently which Adore found hilarious causing her to laugh. I tried to get her to stop and act professional but, Christ, you have to admit it. Her potential boss is called ‘Dick Powers’. It’s brilliant.

 

Dick laughed too fortunately. He seemed nice. I like Dick. Oh, fuck now _I’m_ laughing. After a few minutes of chatting they discussed hours and settled for Saturday nights at 10PM. She was so excited at the thought of more money. 

 

I get all but 5 minutes of absolute comfort when I feel two hands grab my wrists as they pounce on me. My eyes are wide open now and are trying to adjust to the person who’s in front of me.

 

As my vision gets clearer and clearer I can feel my stomach knot tighter and tighter.

 

“Wakey Wakey! Vanilla Shakey!” Willam greets me as she pinches my cheeks. “Get up. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

 

“Uh…I’m just doing the…uh…news script thingie…” I stammer as I try to gather my thoughts. But how can I when the last person I don’t wanna be left on Earth with is looming over me. How could I forget about her shift?

 

“Gosh, you’re so nervous today. It’s only me, Court’.” Willam looks bewildered as she gets off me.

 

“I know I’m just kinda of surprised…” I trail off as she looks at me puzzled.

 

“Yeah, I’ll forgive your dementia this one time, I got a shift in 10 minutes.” She clicks her tongue looking in the direction of the clock.

 

“Yeah, I know it’s just…I - -we…” I’m frozen. Just say anything. You look like an idiot. “I haven’t seen you since Saturday night.”

 

Oh fuck. I blurt it out. She’s just looking blankly. Fuck.

 

“Yeah, sorry. Sunday I was way too hungover.” She put emphasis on the way. “Monday and Tuesday I guess is just because I don’t do shifts then.”

 

I take in what she’s saying. I thought about the fact she hadn’t texted me but decide not to bring it up. Like, we weren’t girlfriends. We were dating pretty much. But I want to be girlfriends. So no drama right now.

 

“I see. Sorry, I just get paranoid easily.” I shrugged stifling a laugh.

 

“I know. Like remember that time you had to go On Air to make an announcement and you were like ‘Oh my God! This whole town can hear me! I hate it!’” She did a good impression of me, I’ll hand it to her.

 

“Well you’re the one who was paranoid about not playing your friends song the other day.” I rebuke.

 

“Whatever. By the way, you know you have two donuts on your head, right?” Willam points to my choice in hairstyle. I swear I nearly collapsed. I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel pissed.

 

“That’s the last time I try experimental hairstyles.” My eyes widen as I look to the ground. I really liked my hair when it was in two doughnuts. It looked cute and kind of school girlish.

 

“Hey. Cheer up, man. Don’t take it personally.” Willam replies before bending down and locking her lips with mine. It’s not long before her tongues already in my mouth. How could I not take that personally? Nope I am not letting her be this way.

 

I push Willam away and go to stand up. “I’m gonna make a start on that script.”

 

Just as I’m about to make it to the door I feel a hand wrap around my own, pulling me back with slight force. I fall against Willam who holds me to her with her free hand by the waist. She leans in so her mouth is inches from my ear. Images from Raja’s birthday at the club come back. Remembering as she held me, singing in my ear. The feeling tingling through me. It was happening. 

 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch.” She says quietly, her breath hot on my ear. She lowers her kisses to my jawline, my skin developing goosebumps. “I promise this time. I’ll make it up to you, Court’.”

 

I smirk at the cute nickname. I tilt my neck allowing her tongue to run along my sensitive skin. “You promise?”

 

“Of course.” She replies before kissing my neck, her hand trailing up my back under my shirt. “I can come around to your house tonight. If you want.”

 

“I’d love it.” I stifle a laugh as I feel her smile against my skin.

 

“It’s a date then.” Willam says planting one last kiss on my neck before lifting her face away. She leans in giving me a quick peck as she draws a finger down my spine and out of my shirt.

 

“What kinda tomfoolery is going on in here?!”

 

We pull apart and look to find Alyssa in the door, holding a plate of cupcakes. Goddammit, Dela and her free of charge cupcakes. Ruining good moments.

 

“Willam. You’re supposed to be On Air in two minutes!” Alyssa sets the cupcakes down and points to the system.

 

Willam freaks out throwing herself onto the chair. “Fuck. What’s my theme…fuck…”

 

“I think Dela mentioned the theme was ‘Heartbreak’.” Alyssa suggests.

 

“Fuck yeah! Heartbreak songs!” Willam cheers lining a song up. While she’s busy setting up I take one of the cupcakes from the plate.

 

“It’s vegan.” Alyssa informs me, sitting up on the guest speaker table.

 

“Why are they Count Dracula cupcakes?” I ask, inspecting the face of Count Dracula on the cupcake. It wasn’t even Halloween.

 

“Nothing wrong with Count Dracula.He’s a public figure after all. If Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande can have their faces on cupcakes, then so can Dracula. And besides,” Alyssa pauses to lick frosting from her finger, “they’re really good.”

 

I don’t know how to react to her sudden provocativeness so I just reply with, “Yeah, I guess Count Dracula makes a good cupcake.”

 

I hear Alyssa murmur something about ‘Cock Blockula’ which makes her giggle.

 

“What?” 

 

“What?” She replies.

 

We just stare at each other for a few seconds before Willam has my attention again as she begins her show. She introduces herself and the show and then jokingly warns her listeners for no more ‘dates’ unless they’re paying. I giggle whereas Alyssa rolls her eyes. There’s a bit of smirk there too though. Looking back to Willam, she lowers her mic as I hear _Bye Bye Bye_ by N-Sync playing through the speakers. I’m dead.

 

“Thank fuck! I thought I was gonna have to play depressing shit like _Everybody Hurts._ I could get used to ‘Heartbreak’.” Willam was really getting into it as she nodded with enthusiasm.

 

Alyssa hops off the table before turning to lift the plate. “Well, I’m gonna leave you kids to have fun.” She pauses to smirk before holding the plate to Willam. “Sure you don’t want one, sweetie?”

 

“Nah, I’m good.” Willam replies shooing the plate away.

 

“OK. In that case, later girls.” Alyssa waves before turning to leave.

 

Willam sighs heavily, catching my attention, as she turns back to the system. I approach her, leaning against the back of her chair. “What’s up?”

 

She shrugs. “I don’t know. Something about Alyssa annoys me. She’s too energetic for me. And I hate that little smirk she does when she thinks she’s made a funny joke. And even worse, the little laugh she does when she thinks she’s read someone to filth.”

 

“Well, to be fair, I’ve seen more energy in you doing karaoke than Alyssa for as long as I’ve known her.” I smirk.

 

“Enough talk about her.” Willam silences me, abruptly pressing her finger against my lips. “What are we doing tonight?”

 

I look at her bewildered at her sudden memory loss. “I thought you said you were coming over?”

 

“Yeah, but like are we gonna watch a movie or something?” Willam suggests.

 

“Um, we could.” Goddammit! There goes the idea of a long night of sex.

 

“Shit, you horny bitch. Were you expecting a long night of sex?” Willam laughs.

 

I don’t know what to say so I just shake my head silently.

 

She just stares at me for a few seconds before looking back to the system to change the song. “OK. How about this? You come over to my house later and I’ll have a surprise for us.”

 

“So, I won’t be leaving here with you.” I repeat even though it sounds more like a question.

 

“Yeah, go home and relax for a bit. Also, don’t dress fancy. Wear something comfortable. I’m wearing pyjama’s so you can too if you want.” Willam looks away from the computer and to me as she clicks her tongue and winks.

 

I take a minute to take everything that she’s said. “I mean, sure. Sounds great! What time?”

 

“I’ll definitely need time to get ready so how about 8.00?” She suggests.

 

“4 hours? To get ready?” My brows knit together as my eyes squint.

 

“Yeah, you’ll understand when you get there.” Willam smirks.

 

I just nod as I feel reassured. “OK. Well I can’t wait for this ‘surprise’. But right now, I’m gonna go write the news script.”

 

I turn away from her as I go to leave the room.

 

“You have a while before it needs to be read!” I hear Willam call after me.

 

“You know what they say, Willam; The News never sleeps.” I call back as I continuing walking.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear no more filler chapters! This is where the story progresses. I haven’t updated in a while and I’m not going to lie. I haven’t been feeling well and it’s not just a basic flu or whatever. I know I should take a longer break due to my current shitty health but I can’t go without writing. I hope you guys enjoy the update though.

“You can’t see it yet.” Willam giggles as she covers my eyes with her hands, guiding me through her front hall way. “I can’t.” I repeat even though it sounds like a question. I bring my hands to hers as my feet cautiously step out in front of me, briefly nudging around in case I trip.

  
“Girl, ‘cause we’re in the hall. The surprise is in the living room.” She shoos my hands away from hers as I stumble a bit.

“Oh, I thought you meant I couldn’t see it yet as in the surprise aspect like it was too soon or whatever.” I try to explain. It sounds like I’m talking absolute shit and drabble on a lot. Adore told me yesterday it’s either nerves or I love the sound of my own voice.

“Well that too, but yeah we’re in the hall.” Willam stops giggling yet I can tell she’s still smirking. She gestures for me to turn a corner. We only take a few more steps before Willam’s hands pull away slightly. “Don’t look yet.”

  
Goosebumps form on my arms as she moves around to stand in front of me and opens what sounds to be a door.

  
“OK, you can look now.”

  
Opening my eyes, they quickly adjust to the linen sheets dwindling gracefully as they interlink from one end of the room to the other above us, leaving the ceiling hidden. Numerous thin pieces of string suspend from the ceiling, attached are small paper birds. The walls are also covered head to toe by more linen and blankets. The floor is also completely hidden from site, covered in thick blankets and pillows. Fairy lights hang from the blankets on the walls illuminating the room. There’s a TV and a small stereo at the far side of the room, with snack bowls positioned in front of them on the cushioned floor.

  
I stare in amazement and Willam’s living for it, smiling ear to ear as she sees my reaction. I walk further into the room. The feeling of the soft blankets under my feet is so comfortable. I could literally just collapse right here and sleep. I approach the TV, guessing that was the activity for the night. Sitting down on the soft surface, I look to Willam. “I see why you needed 4 hours.”

  
“Oh my God, the blankets up there took forever! They kept falling down.” Willam explains, pointing to the fabric covered ceiling. “I also fell off my chair like 3 times. Thank God for the soft landing.”

  
“Willam…” I pause, “You didn’t need to do this.”

  
“Settle down, Nancy. It’s not like I’m proposing or some shit. It’s a date!” Willam shrugs, sitting down next to me and crossing her legs. “So what do you wanna do. Music or a movie?”

  
Thinking for a second, I realise I can’t make up my mind. “How about you decide?”

  
“No. Which one first?” Willam surprises me, smirking again. She holds up both her hands as if she’s balancing both options up to me.

  
Choosing to go with the movie first, Willam activates the TV and sets the film up. A few minutes later I see we’re watching _The Graduate (1967)_ , the one with a soundtrack consisting mainly of songs by Simon & Garfunkel. By the end, despite all my efforts to stop, I’m crying and Willam’s just giggling as she teases me.

  
An hour later, we’re getting deep. Not in that way. Get your mind out of the gutter. Willam and I are lying down on the plush ground, her head resting on my stomach as I stroke her hair. Our conversation had started off laughing about the fun times at the radio station. Now we’re talking about things like what’s beyond Space, what we’re doing with our lives and a whole lot of other deep topics.

  
“This is my favourite song.” Willam states as _Saint European King Days_ plays. “It helps me sleep at night when I’m wide awake and worrying.”

  
“Worrying?” I repeat. Leaning up to look down to her.

  
For a second she looks like she’s realised she’s said something she shouldn’t. As curious as I am I don’t want to press her to talk about it. I don’t know what to say so I just wait for her to speak next.

  
“Courtney, can I be honest with you?” Willam asks, just staring up to the ceiling. “I may seem like I go by my day to day life without a fuck to give. But someday I’m gonna die. It could be when I’m 50. Next year. Tomorrow…” Willam pauses to let out a smell puff of air. “Will people forget about me? Am I gonna die alone?”

  
Hearing Willam say such things hurts. Yes, people have normal feelings like sadness and misery. But Willam’s usually so care free and takes things in her stride. I spend a good while reassuring her that it’s impossible to forget someone so bubbly and wild. And she completely surprises me by her next few words.

  
“I really appreciate you, Court.” She speaks softly, turning over on her side as her nails begin to trace circles on my belly. “I’ve never talked about this to anyone.”

  
BAM! That’s it. It hits me. I am so in love her. And she’s so in love with me. I know I can’t speak her own mind for her but she’s just shown she can trust me. There must be _something_ there.

  
I lay back down as I begin to tell her about my irrational fear of sharks and she laughs at how ironic that is for an Australian. I continue on about my fear as she listens in silence. This then leads to me talking about my appreciation for her. And then I can’t take it anymore.

  
“I love you.”

  
Silence.

  
I look down to her again. She’s fast asleep.

  
Well fuck.

 

* * *

 

  
It’s only August; I’m feeling less like I’m in a relationship and more drained of emotion. You’re probably screaming out right now ‘NO! WHAT WENT WRONG?’ But that’s the thing. I find myself asking this continuously as only 10% of my free time goes to Willam. I’m tired of making plans for her to make some excuse as to not come. Yet when it’s her plans, I never pull out. I feel like I’m the only one putting in the effort to this relationship. I just don’t get what’s gone wrong.

  
I hadn’t been invited to visit her during her shifts in the station. In the Space of these two tiring months, we’ve had sex 3 times. The 3rd time she fell asleep. Can’t you see tell I’m very sexually frustrated?

  
And not once has she told me that she loves me. I know she does but I just don’t get why she won’t say it. In fairness, I haven’t said it since that night in the fort. But mostly because I barely see her now.

  
Don’t get me wrong. We have met up a few times – mostly on Saturday nights, in which we support Adore by attending her weekly gigs, even though I’m the only one eager to go nowadays. Sometimes Willam finds someone at the bar and goes off to have a chat with them. Her new friends were mostly men. But am I jealous? No. I’m not the kind of person to be easily jealous. But I just wish she would talk to _me_ instead. Or she could at least give Adore five minutes of her attention.

  
We’ve also planned to go to a festival next Monday. I guess that isn’t so bad considering she paid for the tickets and I get to spend a whole day with her. Yes; only one day. But I am excited to spend time with her again.

  
“She’s so good, isn’t she?” I ask, looking away from Adore to Willam.

  
“Yeah, she is.” Willam replies, taking a moment to glance at the stage.

  
Adore is giving it her all, coming close to the end of _Rock with You_. You can tell she’s really having a fun time up there, swaying around to the sensual music. I smile as she comes to the end of the song.

  
“This next song is called with _I’ll Rust with You_. It’s a bit of a hidden gem so I hope you guys enjoy it.”

  
And there she goes, singing as if no one is watching – not a care in the world. As I watch her prance around the stage, I feel the urge to dance along. I turn to Willam who’s discussing eggplant recipes with a man she just met.

  
“Do you wanna dance?” I squeak.

  
“Yeah, in a second.” She replies.

  
But it wasn’t a second. And it wasn’t a minute or an hour or a month. We don’t dance at all. I just watch Adore as she sings and has fun on stage. At least someone’s night is going well.

  
2 hours later, Willam, Adore and I are in a cab and I’m feeling even more discombobulated than before. The guy Willam had been talking to had given his number to her. She did look at me and roll her eyes in disbelief. But there was something in that look that was false. It may have been my paranoia but it felt weird. Even Adore was giving her side eye.

  
Pulling up to Willam’s first, she turns to say goodnight, but I’m already getting out of the cab too. She looks bewildered for a second before getting out too. Walking around to her side, I all of a sudden feel lost for words. Why did I even get out?

  
“I just…wanna say…thanks for the night,” is all I manage to say.

  
“You’re welcome.” She replies.

  
There’s a pregnant pause in which we’re just staring at each other. What should I do? Why is this so awkward?

  
“Goodnight, I guess.” Willam smiles, bringing me into an unexpected hug.

  
After a second of just standing still, I wrap my arms around her too. And her hold on me squeezes slightly. I feel it again. All the sadness and anger drifting away, as I relax in her warm arms.

  
“I love you, Willam.”

  
Another pregnant pause.

  
She pulls away, taking my face in both her hands. Looking into my eyes, she replies, “You’re so adorable.”

  
She tilts her face towards mine only to plant a small kiss on my lips. Pulling away, she only grins as she releases my face. “I’ll see you later.”

  
With that, she walks to her house. To go to sleep. Without me.

  
I change my mind. Fuck her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for an unhappy ending…Nope, this isn’t the last update but yeah, not a happy chapter. And also, yes, the opening line is kinda like the one from (500) Days of Summer. I’m kinda realizing this fic seems a lot like that movie. Also forgive me this chapter may be (a bit) long.

“I hate Willam. I hate her obnoxious seal laugh. I hate her dirty blonde hair and shitty roots. I hate her trampy taste in fashion. I hate her caked makeup face. And I hate that fucking David Bowie song too.”

There’s a moment of silence as Adore takes in my drunken rant. We’re just sitting isolated in the corner of this bar at this fucking staff night out. Meaning Willam is here too. For fuck sake. And I’m so drunk and heartbroken, making matters worse for myself. For. Fuck. Sake.

I just wallow in my misery and self-despair while Adore attempts to cheer me up. She’s mainly just listening and responding and giving me more booze. God, I love Adore.

It’s been two days since Willam and I went to the festival and I don’t plan on crying all day again. Yesterday was spent doing that. Then again, I _am_ at this stupid staff do so I could be spending all night crying instead.

“Girl, do you mind if I ask what happened? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Adore replies, sipping her drink.

“Well…where do I begin?” I slur thinking back to the day before yesterday.

 

* * *

_“God, that security guard was nasty. Practically ripping my bag apart.” I rant, pulling at the straps of my holographic backpack. God, why am I such a teenager?_

_“Yeah, and he was so fucking handsy!” Willam exclaims, looking around to the security guard. “Pervert!”_

_My heart jumps to my throat as the security guard looks in our direction. Willam clutches my hand tight and we flee the scene. Even when we’re out of the guard’s sight, we’re still running. Where to? I don’t even know anymore. I just continue running and enjoy the feeling of the sand crumbling beneath my feet._

_Willam halts immediately causing me to crash into her. She wraps her arms around me before I fall like the big klutz I am. She’s panting for breath, slouching on me now. “God, I need to go back to the gym.”_

_“Shut up before I throw you into the sea. You’re perfect.” I smile, helping her up again. I know it may seem like I’m fine with her again, but I still have my suspicions._

_Willam perks up as the music hits her ears. “Fuck! My favourite band is on already!”_

_I don’t have time to respond as she’s already taken my hand and dragged me away towards the crowd. We dance and jump around for what feels like a good 2 hours even though I know it really wasn’t that long. But Christ I need water. I offer Willam to come get drinks with me to which she says no. Um…OK?_

 

* * *

 

_I’m standing outside the bar now. I figured Willam might want alcohol instead of water so that’s what she’ll get. I should be a spiteful bitch and get her beach water instead. OK, maybe that’s too far._

_“What do you have?” I ask the bartender._

_“Beer and shots.” He replies, in a sarcastic tone._

_“…Could you be a bit more specific?” I ask, knitting my eyebrows together._

_“Beer and shots.” He replies more sternly._

_Christ, what a dick. I can tell this is gonna add to my slowly rising anger. “Fine. A beer then.”_

_Now I’m thinking of my slowly rising anger. Willam not coming to get a drink with me. The fact she only called me about a wakeup call late last night. The fact she hadn’t even texted me in a week. Slamming my money down on the counter, the bartender jumps._

_“And a shot please.” I practically growl. I know I’m over reacting but I can’t help it. I’m so pissed with how this relationship turned out. “Make it two.”_

_When the drinks are placed in front of me, the shots are practically gone in two seconds. I snatch the beer and leave, making my way back to Willam. Not to mention it’s gonna be so annoying trying to find her in the huge crowd._

_“COURT!”_

_I’m startled at the sound of my name, spinning towards the direction of the voice. It’s Willam. At the tattoo booth. Being tattooed. By a topless man. I storm up to the booth ready to ask why she didn’t stay with the crowd and why hadn’t even texted me._

_“Willam, you - -”_

_“Don’t worry, It’s not permanent. It’s a stick and lick. It’ll come off I swear. Calm down, Mom.” She interrupts. The man just laughs. How obnoxious. Willam nods her head towards her tricep, where the tattoo sticker is placed. “It says ‘Fuck Coachella’.”_

_“OK. But why didn’t you text me you left?” I ask._

_“I didn’t?” Willam asks, dumbfounded by the question._

_“You didn’t.” I reply._

_The man coughs, reminding us that he’s watching our awkward moment._

_“Look. I promise I’ll text you if I disappear. I promise. But can we talk about this later?” Willam asks._

_My teeth grit together as I realise I can’t find my words. All I can do is approach her, pass her the beer and wait until she’s done. “OK.”_

_A few seconds later, the tattoo is done. Willam pays the man and we walk away in painful silence. The longer the silence goes on for the more I think about how it shouldn’t feel this awkward. We’re a couple. We’re supposed to feel happy in each other’s company. Not murderous. Slight exaggeration. But Christ, I’m so pissed._

_“I’m sorry for disappearing like that.” Willam mutters, reaching for my hand as we continue walking. I look to Willam to find her looking straight back at me. There’s a pregnant pause before she gives a smile, “Come on. Don’t be like that, Court. We’re at a festival! Have fun – live a little. We’re not at work anymore.”_

_I’m weak as I fall for the smile, taking a hold of her manicured hand and returning the smile. “You’re right. Let’s live a little.”_

 

* * *

 

_How dumb could I be? I basically gave Willam permission to walk away only if she texted me. And now I can’t find her anywhere now. She also hasn’t texted me. Now I’m beyond pissed._

_I march myself to the bar, order two more shots and receive a dirty look from the same guy who had served me 3 hours earlier._

_Leaving the bar, I continue my search for Willam at the stage area, where Troye Sivan is playing his fifth song. I could’ve been having a good time right now, dancing around to the music along with Willam. But nope. I’m searching for her instead._

_I push through the violent crowd – tipsy, lost and confused and after a good five minutes of searching, I finally give up when a fifth drink spills on my top and I’m shoved for the second time._

_I’m walking aimlessly now, searching for the number one source of my shitty mood. But why should I? She hasn’t wasted any time to come find me, has she?_

_“COURT!”_

_Déjà vu much?_

_Just like earlier, I turn to the voice to see the spawn of my rage. It’s Willam hanging out with a bunch of men. Surprise – surprise._

_“Get your blonde ass over here!” Willam drunkenly calls. The state she’s in only adds fuel to the fire._

_I storm up to her and the group of men. This time I’m not holding back. “Willam, you’ve got some serious explai- -”_

_“Yeah, shut up. This is Dustin.” She interrupts me, pointing to one of the men and then to the other. “And this is James. We were just talking about threesomes.”_

_“You were?” I ask, not surprised in the slightest._

_“Yeah, I think you and James and I would be a cool team, right?” Willam beams, chuckling like a seal._

_“I thought you didn’t do threesomes.” I confront her._

_“You know us women. We change our minds all the time.” She shrugs rolling her eyes. She abruptly grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me lightly. “Come on. It’s a great idea! Just live a little, please.”_

_I don’t even know what to say as her eagerness to fuck with someone else is clear to me now. My eyes are glassy as tears sting the corners. I just shake my head, take a few steps away from the group and turn my back to her. To the bar I go._

 

* * *

 

_I’m drunk. I’m lost. I can’t find Willam anyway, but then again I’m not even looking for her anymore. I’m just dragging myself around the festival, completely ignoring the live music and attractions around me, finding entertainment in feeling sorry for myself instead._

_I’m surrounded by cars. How did I even end up at the car park? And why am I here? And why do I feel safer here, away from the drama. Maybe ‘cause there’s no one here. At least I think._

_Stumbling my way through the cars, I come across an area with more space to move. I look around to see where I could head next only to see the blurry image of two individuals moving around against a van door. It’s 10 cars in the distance making it hard to see them and the alcohol isn’t helping either. What the hell are they doing? Curiosity gets the best of me as I make my way towards the distant figures. The closer I get to the people, the clearer my vision is. And the clearer my vision gets, the more I feel my stomach form a knot._

_I’m five steps away from them now and my rage has reached its boiling point. It’s Willam, hoisted up against the van with her legs around James’ waist. His pants are around his ankles. Willam is moaning louder than she ever moaned for me. I don’t fall to the ground when I process what’s going on, but my tears spill down my cheeks freely._

_I turn and run from the scene, not caring if I was seen or not. Fuck Willam. Fuck her for fucking James right now. Fuck her for messing with my feelings, my effort and my time. Fuck her for abandoning me at this festival. Fuck her for everything._

 

* * *

 

_“Court, can we talk?”_

_I ignore Willam, walking ahead of her as I make my way home. I have no idea where **she’s** going but she’s definitely not come home with me._

_“Court.” She repeats softly, to which I ignore her again. “Look, I don’t know what’s up with your ass but I really need to talk to you right now.”_

_She runs to the front of me, causing me to halt in my tracks. Before I can tell her to move she’s already speaking._

_“Why are we doing this?” She asks._

_My eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Because I’m going home?”_

_“Not that, you idiot. This whole thing we’re doing with each other. It’s not right.” She speaks. “I’ve just been thinking we haven’t really been with anyone else. Yeah we sleep around with strangers a lot, well not in months, but…”_

_‘Liar,’ I think to myself internally. Why aren’t I saying it out loud though?_

_“We haven’t really given ourselves a chance to date other people so how do we know that we’re really meant for each other if we haven’t met anyone else? I know this is so fucked up, but this is not normal. We’re grownups. Not dumb kids. Do you get what I’m - -”_

_“Have you met someone else?” I demand._

_She’s silent for a few seconds before she utters out, “What?”_

_“Have you met someone else, Willam?” I repeat, more sternly now._

_A pregnant pause. I just watch her as she looks guilty as charged._

_“Courtney. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think…” she pauses trying to find her words “…we’re good together.  I feel like we really need to stop what we’re doing before we’re both completely drained and bitter from pretending all the time.”_

_I take her face in my hands, my cheeks red and stained with hot tears. “But we were so good together. The nights out at the bar. The fort in your house. The dates. Everything. It made me happier.”_

_I’m hoping she’ll lean in and kiss me and tell me I’m right and that she’s just paranoid. But she doesn’t. She’s just looks back at me with sympathy. “I’m sorry. It’s just it’s not fair that we’re doing this to each other. Just try and understand where I’m coming from, Court’.”_

_I take a few more seconds to look at her with pleading eyes before realizing it’s pointless. I take my hands away from her face, letting them drop to my sides. I move away from her and continue my journey home. She calls after me, but I’m too discombobulated and drunk to turn back._

_As I trek home, I try to ignore all thoughts of Willam and suppress the memories for the good of my sanity. I try to think of what to do when I get home, but her face keeps flashing in my mind and I just cry more tears as I walk in my drunken and exhausted state._

 

* * *

 

“And that’s why I fucking hate her.” I finish, looking around to Adore who’s already gotten another shot, ready for me to drown my emotions. She gives me a sympathetic look, passing the beverage to me. It’s gone in a matter of seconds and my ‘Done’ face masks the look of disgust at the taste.

“I’m so sorry, Man.” Adore rubs my shoulder. “Well, at least you tried. Like, it may look really shitty right now. But maybe you’re thinking too much about the good times instead of the bad. That’s only gonna make you miss her more. List her faults in your head and that’ll make you feel better I promise. And besides; there _are_ plenty of other fish in the sea.”

I love Adore and everything, but right now I’m semi-bored and fed up with talking about Willam. Instead of bringing up a new topic, I just walk away leaving her alone and confused. I look around the place to see Alyssa alone at the bar. Let’s be alone together.

“Hey, Alyssa.” I slur, sliding onto the stool next to her. I nearly fall off but grab hold of the bar to steady myself.

“Hello, Miss Courtney Act.” Judging from her voice, she’s smashed too. “How’s the relationship going?”

I groan quite loudly, gaining Tammie and DJ’s attention also. They try to stifle their laughter as my forehead falls to the hard surface of the bar. Alyssa doesn’t hide anything as she cackles and claps her hands together. I’m glad she’s having fun watching me suffer in my drunken mess state.

Lifting my head slowly, I look to Alyssa again and mutter, “Don’t talk to me about her. I hate her so much.”

Alyssa’s smile drops grabbing a hold of my arm and practically shouts, “What did she do??!!”

My pointer finger is on her lips now as I shoosh her. “No – No – No. No talking about her. Maybe later. But not right now. Talk about something else. Talk about tongue pops and- - TALK ABOUT TATIANNA.”

Alyssa’s silent and her eyes widen at the mention of her favourite-person-in-the-whole-wide-world’s name. Before I can speak again, she leans back in her chair. Tatianna is sitting in the stool next to Alyssa, her head on the bar and her hair blanketing her face. She’s drunk and close to passing out.

“We all need promotions,” she mutters from under the mass of black hair, “And I need…more wine…”

Too drunk to move, she just continues to sit there. I give Alyssa an apologetic look for being so loud mouthed.

“To be honest…I don’t think it would work between her and I. ‘Cause she’s so…” She pauses to look around at Tatianna, who’s now completely passed out “…I don’t know. I just don’t think it would work.”

I roll my eyes, slapping my hand down on Alyssa’s shoulder. “You know what? Fuck love. Fuck love in its ass! Not literally. What the fuck is wrong with you? But yeah, you don’t need it.”

Alyssa just nods, sipping on her cocktail as I look past her shoulder to see the last person I wanted to see tonight. Willam standing across the bar actually making eye contact with me. Why is she staring?  

“Who are you looking at?” Alyssa pulls me from my daze, as she slowly turns her head to where I’m looking. Before she can even look over her shoulder, I grab her face in my hand pulling it towards mine.

“Don’t look!” I whisper quite loudly as my forehead is nearly touching hers. We’re just staring at each other in complete silence. I can feel certain gears in my head turning as my eyes glance in Willam’s direction again. Still watching me.

“Courtney,” Alyssa slurs, “Are you OK?”

Without saying another word my lips come crashing against hers. And I can already feel the joy as I know Willam is watching. She wants to see other people? So be it.

Alyssa and I just make out for what feels like a good two minutes, and all the while, I open my eyes occasionally to glance at Willam. I smile into the kiss as I realize Willam hasn’t even taken her eyes off us and she looks pretty shocked. I am living for this moment.

Alyssa pulls away, also smiling now, “What was that all about?”

“Just shut up and come home with me.” I reply.

And that’s what we do. We leave the bar, hand in hand like classic petty teenagers. Adore looks bewildered at what’s going on, but I just wink reassuringly at her.

I glare at Willam as we get to the door. She’s not even looking anymore. Instead, she’s just flirting with a guy she’s with. Do I feel any guilt or sadness or any form of negative emotion? Only, because she’s not looking anymore. But she knows fully well that I’m leaving the place with Alyssa. And she knows exactly what we’re going to do.

It may sound pretty bitchy of me to say, but I really hope she feels what I’ve been feeling for the past few weeks. God, I really do hope.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet...kinda

“So, hopefully you bitches have brought feedback and ideas to the table this time.” Bianca questions, slamming her palm down on the table waking us up more.

I would groan at the collision of her hand on the table but I’m already trying to keep a bright smile with my hand in Alyssa’s under the table. We know everyone’s aware of it, but there’s nothing like a bit of discretion.

Dela and Bianca have brought the whole team of Tune.105 to discuss the station’s content as they do every fortnight. The whole team including Willam. And this time I’m not cursing her existence (well maybe with my inner voice I am). Instead I’m just showing off as I pretend to be secretive of my new relationship.

Alyssa and I have been dating for nearly a week now. In the beginning, I was really just looking for a one-night stand. But she had thanked me for a “wonderful” time and requested to see me more. To me, Alyssa is really naive when it comes to love. Kind of like one of those girls who when someone shows them one ounce of affection they’re expecting a wedding the next day. But she is sweet and kind hearted. And as I drunkenly crawled onto the bed next to her I thought of Willam’s jealous reaction. So I accepted Alyssa’s request to see each other more.

I’ve practically spent a whole week with Alyssa, fucking nearly every night. Does it get tiring? Well yeah, but it is so worth it, especially when I get to show off. Yesterday we were nearly caught out making out in the coffee room as Willam had walked in moments after we had finished up. Yeah, she missed everything but she hadn’t missed the sight of our lipstick smudged around our mouths. Then there was my favourite moment. I had this huge hicky on my neck and by huge I mean it was fucking massive and I needed Willam to see it.

Alyssa had been sent up to the station with free cupcakes during Willam’s 80’s show. Trixie and Katya hadn’t left since finishing their show so they were there too. Seeing this as an opportunity, I decided to give them out instead. I passed one to Willam (trying my best to keep a cheery smile and not a murderous one). Then I passed one to Katya. Then, pulling my hair over one shoulder, I leaned over to pass the last to Trixie, exposing the huge bruise like mark on my neck. I didn’t give Willam a second look which I regret now. But I would imagine she stared wide eyed.

That situation has been my favourite so far. I know it doesn’t sound like much but today is another day after all.

“I’m happy to say that I do have an idea!” Alyssa exclaims with excitement. “More guest stars.”

There’s a pregnant pause before Dela replies, “We have enough guests. We’ve had politicians coming in and out for the politics show for the last few weeks.”

“Yeah, but famous people, girl.” Alyssa elaborates.

“Well, if you can get Beyoncé in here, come back to me then, ‘girl’.” Bianca replies, her tone thick with sarcasm.

Alyssa looks slightly defeated, sighing and leaning back in her chair. Poor Alyssa. She really does try.

“To be honest, I like that idea.” I state causing heads to turn. “Who said anything about celebrities? You know we do quite a lot of music shows here yet we’ve never had live sessions from local talent. And besides, I know it is Election season and we’re all slowly getting stressed out so it would be good to put out something different. And not to mention, it could broaden our listenership.”

There’s another moment of silence as the team takes the suggestion into consideration. Fuck, is this awkward or are they actually listening?

“I can’t believe it. Of all the years I’ve run this station…” Dela starts “…I’ve never thought to have local talent guest star in shows.”

“I guess we should get on with finding talent then.” Roxxxy speaks up, looking to her team, Alaska and Matthew.

“Yes. I would appreciate it if you and the rest of the entertainment team could find someone have them in here by the end of the week!” Dela states, writing a few words on her notepad. “Get back to me when you find someone.”

I look to Alaska and her team, smiling as Alaska winks at me. Then I turn my smile to Alyssa who looks happier than ever. I squeeze her hand under the table as she strokes her thumb over the back of my hand. Talk about team work!

* * *

“Do you think this would look good on me, baby?” Alyssa asks, holding a black dress against her as she pulls faces in the mirror. She doesn’t realize it but she’s kind of blocking the way of other customers.

“Yeah, it’ll look great on you!” I tell her, trying to sound as enthusiastic as I can. I move in order to make room for a pissed off looking Granny. I roll my eyes as I hear the old woman mutter under her breath something about ‘hoes’.

Alyssa sighs quite loudly, turning to face me. “What would I do without you?”

I don’t get a chance to say ‘you’re welcome’ as she gives me a quick peck on the lips. I hear some boys nearby snicker and say shit like ‘Look! Lesbians!’ Why are boys so fascinated with lesbians anyway. I get that girls are majestic but Christ! Down boys!

“I might try this on actually.” Alyssa contemplates turning to look at her reflection again.

“Go for it then.” I reply, but she’s too engrossed in her reflection, pulling faces and tongue popping to herself. People are looking again which causes a bright red blush to burn my cheeks. “So are you gonna go try that on or…”

“What was that?” Alyssa mutters, still fascinated by herself image.

“Never mind.” I say, shaking my head.

* * *

“So we got either _Purge: Election Year_ or the new _Ghostbusters_.” Alyssa informs me, turning away from her TV. “Which one would you prefer?”

“I don’t mind.” I reply, munching on a dorito.

“Actually I’ve been really wanting to watch something Disney recently. It’s been a long time. Oh my Gosh, I make it sound like I’m ancient, girl.” Alyssa pauses to laugh. “I’m feeling _Beauty and the Beast_.”

“Sounds great.” I reply.

And it was great. Thank God Alyssa doesn’t have neighbors because we would have had many noise complaints with all the loud and obnoxious singing. It was great.

Up until a certain scene.

“This is bullshit.” I blurt out as Belle fan girls over her new library. Shit.

Alyssa, who’s laying with her arms around me with her head on my chest, looks up to me with a confused look. “What?”

“Sorry, it’s just reminding me of someone.” I say, brushing it off.

Alyssa’s face falls slightly and she twists a lock of my hair around her finger. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

A bottle of wine later, I’m just staring at the ceiling while Alyssa sits on the other end of the couch listening.

“…and then she built this big fort thing for us to chill out in. No one has ever done something like that for me. It made me feel I was worth all of the effort, you know? And weeks after, she stabbed me in the back. Literally. She took a long pointy knife and stabbed me right in my back with it.”

“Literally??” Alyssa questions, her eyes slightly widening.

“No. I wouldn’t even be here. What’s wrong with you?” I reply, taking a sip from the wine bottle. “We both went to this festival where she decided my attention wasn’t as valuable as the attention of some random guy.”

Alyssa’s eyes are wide again. “She didn’t cheat on you, did she?”

“She did! She was hoisted up on some van while he fucked the shit out of her. I saw it with my own eyes. And I haven’t been able to erase the image from my head since.” I pause again as my voice cracks. I don’t want to cry. There’s no way I’m crying over Willam. “And she had the audacity to try and act like nothing happened after. She only said that we weren’t right for each other and that we should see other people. So, here we are…”

Having one more sip of the wine, I look to Alyssa who’s eyes shift away from me and to the bottle in her hand as if she’s really thinking about what I’ve just said.

“…So…” she pauses, “Am I ‘other people’?”

Realizing my mistake, I put my bottle on the table, sit up and shuffle near her. “No. Of course not. You mean a lot to me, Alyssa.”

“I do?” She murmurs giving me puppy eyes.

“Yeah!” I exclaim. She’s silent. “I think…you’re really attractive. And you’re funny. And you have a good heart.” I pause contemplating on whether or not I should continue. With each thing I say I just feel guilt. Or is it just the misery that I’m feeling in the moment? “…And I know you’re gonna go far.”

Alyssa stifles out another laugh, rolling her eyes. “Girl, I may have the looks and personality but I’m dumb as fuck. I ain’t going nowhere.”

“You are not! I promise you, you can do anything you put your mind to.” I beam at her. I’m not going to lie but hearing Alyssa say these things is only making it worse.

She stifles a laugh as her eyes meet mine again. “You think?”

I caress her cheek with my hand before I answer, feeling a pang of guilt hit my heart. “I know. Besides, you’ve got class. Willam’s just messy. She has nothing on you.”

“Baby, stop.” She whines playfully slapping me on the shoulder as I lean forward and plant my lips on hers, trying to kiss away any thoughts of Willam and every good memory of her. Who needs the bitch anyway? That tiring…slutty…obnoxious…childish…trashy…restless…messy…careless…care free…spunky…free-spirited…bright…charismatic Willam.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to make you feel emotions right now but...

It's currently 2.45PM and it's Wednesday. I have until 6PM before Alyssa, Dela and Adore have to read the news . And Willam's shift is going to begin soon so I'm trying to finish this news bulletin as fast as I can. I know I should take my time but not today. For the past few weeks I've been rushing my job every Wednesday in order to avoid the bane of my existence. I know I shouldn't but I put my own feelings before being professional. So far it's working and I don't have to worry about being stuck in a room alone with Willam.

“Oh hey, Court'.”

My heart stops at the sound of the last voice I want to hear. I slowly look around to see her walk in and move to the studio. The red light of the MIC LIVE sign reflects off her hair as she passes under the doorway.

Once she's gone I sigh with relief. Only to have it tarnished as the red light flicks off and Willam enters the production room again.

“Goddammit, you'd think someone would learn to turn off the mic when they're finished with it. I blame Tatianna and Manila.” She pauses her rant as she sits on the chair behind me. I'm facing her now, speechless as I think of what to say. Should I be spiteful? Should I ignore her?

“Do me a favour and ask them next time, please. You know it's not me being a dick. I'm just following the rules.” She continues.

“I will.” Is all I manage to murmur before turning back to my computer. My stomach is doing so many somersaults right now, I could vomit.

“What's with the claw marks?” She asks, a hint of concern in her tone. I curse myself for choosing to wear this sheer top while I have Alyssa's scratch marks on my skin. I could've swore they weren't as bad this morning.

“Alyssa likes to get creative.” I say whilst smirking, hoping it'll spawn some kind of jealousy in her.

“Wow, what do guys get up do? It's like you fisted her so hard she's ripping your skin open.” She rebukes, stifling a laugh.

“How did you know?” I smile to myself.

“Takes a hoe to know a hoe.” She laughs again. I don't even reply this time. I'm not in the mood for her jokes. “Don't worry, it's just a joke. Anyway, it's been a while since I've seen you in here working on that shit. Where have you been?”

I grind my teeth as I sigh fume. “It's not 'shit'. And I've just been leaving early.”

“Wow. First turning down Sebastian's dumb song suggestion and now leaving your shift early? You're a legend, Court'.” Willam comments, chuckling to herself.

I clench my fists as she references one of the many days we had hung out together at work. How we had danced around the cheesy music - messed with listeners – kissed a few times.

“I'm going go.” I say, saving my work as I decide the town library would be a nicer place to work – at least I'll have more time that way too. I close down the program as Willam realises my frustration. I quickly pack my things and get up to leave.

“Wait. Hang on.” Willam says before I can even get out of the production room. I sigh heavily as I realise I can't leave. And not just because she's in my way. But something is telling me to stay.

“OK, so I'm actually early because...I want to talk to you about...us.” Willam's foolish expression drops to a serious one, urging me to want to stay even more now.

“Us?” I repeat as if the word is a curse. “There is no 'us' remember?”

“Shut up. Just sit down and listen. I need to tell you this.” Willam practically commands.

I'm glued to the spot for a few seconds as I just watch her, taking in her expression. There's a hint of distress there. I go back to the chair and take a seat.

“Go on.” I say.

Willam takes a deep breath before she starts to speak. Whatever this is about, she's not finding it easy. “I just haven't really been able to sleep recently knowing that...I've done something awful.” She pauses to laugh pitifully. “Isn't this weird? I don't usually do this. I'm kinda shocked at myself.” Her face becomes serious. “What I want to say is...what we had was fake. You may have thought we were just two girls in a great relationship. But that's only because you don't know the full story.”

She sits down in her chair, sighing once again and looking away. “To me, you weren't my girlfriend. You were a rebound.”

My brows knit together now as I feel my heart strings slightly tear. “What?”

“I lied to you...the whole time. I was with someone who I thought I was never going to get back together with.” Willam pauses. “We were going through a rough patch, like he was being so standoffish with me and barely paid attention to me like he used to, and I decided to ignore him back. But I also wanted to get under his skin, you know. So that's where you came into the picture.”

I feel my eyes crack, tears dying to fill them. I bite my lip to stop myself from immediately cursing her as I waited for her to continue.

“Then at some point at the end of July, he got in contact with me and invited me to meet up with him. So I went. And it went well. Very well actually. He said he wasn't mad at me for cheating which amazed me 'cause I'd be so freakin' pissed. And he told me that the reason he was so cold with me...was because he was nervous about giving me this.”

She lifts her left hand flashing the three carat stones on her ring finger. The tears are falling. I'm shaking. Willam approaches me, grabbing my shoulders gently.

“I should've broke it off sooner but I didn't know how until the festival. I just knew it would really hurt you. But the more I pushed it aside the worse it got. Listen, I know this is all so much but I just wanted to tell you the truth because it's not fair. This is so out of character of me but I'm sorry.” She pauses as I squeeze my eyes shut. “I'm sorry I used you and if I could go back and change things I would. I would have told you the truth sooner. In fact, I probably would stop myself from even fucking you.”

I shake my head the more she speaks. “Why did you tell me anyway? We're not together anymore. It would've been better if- -”

“If I hadn't? I couldn't. I'm so restless at night knowing I fucked you over. I just thought you were some slut. But when I got to know you, I saw that you a far more than that, Courtney. You are such an amazing person and I can't rest knowing I've damaged you.”

I dry my eyes before abruptly stepping out of her grasp. “So now you can? Now you'll be perfectly happy laying in bed with your fucking fiance. But what about me? Don't you think you've done enough?”

Willam is speechless as she takes my words into account. She opens her mouth a few times as if to say something. But nothing comes out.

“I loved you, Willam. To me it wasn't just a good relationship. It was amazing. You made me feel special. You made me I was worth all of the effort. And I loved that. I loved you.” I sob feeling very pathetic. I can't even believe this is happening.

“I'm sorry, Court'.” She apologises guiltily.

“So this whole confession was just so _you_ could feel better about yourself. Well I hope you sleep well tonight knowing that I wont.” I step aside and move past her. “Goodbye, Willam.”

I don't even give her a second look as I leave. Not that I can anyway with the tears blinding me. And I can't even say another word as the lump in my throat prevents me from breathing properly. I just want nothing to do with her anymore. Absolutely nothing.

* * *

_We can be heroes,  
Just for one day..._

“I HATE THIS FUCKING SONG!”

I jolt forward in my car seat as Alyssa slams on the break. I look around to see the concern plastered on her face. “You OK, girl?”

I'm shocked by my own out burst that I have no words.

“What just happened?” Alyssa asks quietly. I'm still speechless. “What was that about?”

“I don't know. I'm just...I'm just...” I stop myself from talking as my eyes fill up. I don't want to tell Alyssa about what happened. It's too painful to even talk about. And there's no end to thinking about it.

Alyssa begins to move the car again, quickly pulling into the nearest parking space. When the hand break is pulled up, she turns to face me. “Courtney, what's wrong.”

I look around to her, tears shimmering in my eyes. The look of concern is enough for me to let out a gross sob and bury my face in my hands. I can't speak. I can't breathe.

“Courtney, please talk to me.” I hear Alyssa whimper as her arms envelope me. I don't look up but only wrap my arms around her as I weep into her chest. I'm trembling. Not even her nails trailing along my arm can relax me.

“I-I wanna go home.” I whimper pitifully.

“We can go there straight away.” She replies, combing her fingers through my hair.

“No! I wanna be alone. Please.” I practically beg which brings her into silence. She slowly pulls away and begins to drive again, while I just hug my knees to my chest pathetically and cry. Throughout the drive I choke on sobs occasionally and Alyssa reaches a hand over to rub my shoulder. I haven't lifted my head to look at her. But I can hear she's going to cry too. I hear her sniffle every once in a while which makes me feel even worse.

“We're here.” She murmurs after a while. The car stops but the engine is still running.

I open the car door, hiding my face with my har as I leave the car. Upon shutting the door I hear another door close. Alyssa walks around from the other side of the car and approaches me. She grabs my shoulders gently, watching me a few seconds before leaning forward to kiss my forehead. “I'm sorry for what Willam did.”

 _'You don't even know the half of it.'_ I state in my mind.

I hug Alyssa as I cry, my sobbing has quietened down by now but the tears wont stop falling. I squeeze her in my embrace and kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you, 'Lyssa.”

I pull away, not even giving her a chance to kiss me as I make my way to the apartment block.

* * *

Entering our apartment, Alaska's already on the couch. She looks from the TV to greet me. Instead of giving me a smile she just looks shocked. “What happened?”

She stands up and I practically run into her arms and begin to sob once again. She's stroking my back, making the scratch marks on the skin sting. But I don't care about that pain.

“What happened??” She repeats only softer now.

“W-Willam used me. She fucking used me.” I bawl.

Alaska pulls away and guides me to the couch. She wraps her long arms around my shoulders rubbing them gently.

“What do you mean by 'used' you?” She questions.

“I-I was just some d-dumb slut from work who she used! And I fucking hate it!” Upon saying the last sentence, my crying gets louder. She squeezes me in an attempt to calm me down.

We're sat in silence waiting for my crying to die down. She plays with my hair and whispers how everything will be alright. But it won't. How can I even move on from learning something that heavy?

“Do you wanna tell me the full story now?” Alaska asks.

“Basically,” I pause as I pull away from her embrace, “She used me to get back at her ex who is now her fiance. The whole time she only posed as my girlfriend because she was going through a rough stage and wanted to piss off whoever she's with. She told me at work earlier and was like 'I just want to tell you so I can get some sleep tonight'. What about me? I can't even get this out of my head, Alaska. And it hurts.”

Alaska's silent for a few seconds. She takes my hands in hers, stroking the skin with her manicured thumb. “I'm sorry, girl. But trust me. You will learn to forget about this. I may not understand what it feels like to be used by someone you thought loved you, but I know you will be able to get over all of this.”

“I can't.”

“You can.” Alaska insists. “Did she at least apologise?”

“Well...yeah, but I don't even think that's enough for what she's done.” I fume, shaking my head in frustration.

“I understand.” Alaska drawls. “Don't jump to conclusions when I say this, but maybe this is what you need.” Seeing my puzzled expression, Alaska sighs. “Like, I'm gonna be honest with you right now, girl. When it comes to love, you seem a bit naive. Like...” she pauses as she tries to think, “Were there ever signs that the relationship wasn't the best?”

“No. We had great times.” I reply pitifully.

“OK. Well you're wrong. It was a trick question. Remember the karaoke night? You stood in front of that mirror,” she briefly points to the mirror hanging on the wall beside the door, “and you were worried 'cause you thought she was avoiding you. Yes, at the time I brushed it off and said you were over thinking it. But then it started happening way too often. You walked in that door and only told me negative things about her. That she was being standoffish or too quiet. You get what I'm saying, girl?”

“That it was always a shit relationship?” I shrug.

“Not exactly. I think you should have ended it back then when you had enough.” Alaska explained. “It would've been for the best.”

I sigh in frustration, wiping my cheeks dry. “But I was so in love with her.”

“Infatuated.”

“What?”

“You weren't in love with her. That was just simple infatuation. Two emotions that can be easily mixed up.” Alaska explains. “She was the first person who, romantically, made you feel special and you're drawn to that. Kinda like when a teenage girl is drawn to their asshole of a boyfriend, who shes too afraid to leave because she feels she won't find anyone better. Only because she lost her virginity to him.”

“No, 'Lasky, you don't understand. We- -”

“No, _you_ don't understand. You're confusing these emotions. Trust me.”

“Listen. I know you're only trying to help but you're wrong.”

“How did you feel about Willam before Raja's birthday? And don't lie. I know you well enough to tell when you are.”

I'm silent for a moment as I think about answering. I think about all the times Willam and I hung out before we first kissed. Well I try to remember them. There must be something. At least one point I felt any attraction. There has to be.

The silence becomes awkward as I try to think back.

But nothings there.

Now that I think about it...

“OK, maybe you're right! There was never a time a felt any attraction to Willam. Never before Raja's birthday. Oh God, Alaska, you're right. I'm so dumb for letting myself believe in love. Why did I even bother?”

“You weren't dumb. Like I said, love and infatuation are easily confused. It happens to many people.” Alaska reassures me.

“But I don't know what to do. I still feel miserable about what happened.”

“I'd imagine so, Courtney. I would be too.” Alaska replied, caressing my cheek. “Although, I hate to be 'that bitch' but can I ask you something? Don't you think her actions are kinda...familiar?” She drawls.

“No, not really.” I reply.

“Are you sure?” She questions further.

“Yeah. What do you mean?” I ask, completely confused now.

She's silent once again and seems baffled by my answer. “Never mind. Let's just get you some tortilla chips. We can watch a movie.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courtney confesses

 

Have you ever noticed that once something big happens in your life – whether it be a graduation or a death of a loved one or the birth of a child – you begin to take note of the smaller things. And you put so much thought into them.

I took my usual route to work today, which is through a park crowded with people, and I passed more couples than I usually do. But then again; maybe I've just never stopped to notice.

 _But then again_ , I nearly had another freak out when the computer at the station played _Love is all you need_ by the Beatles.

And not to mention the cupcakes in Dela's bakery that had heart shaped icing on the top.

I guess it's safe to say I'm done with love.

OK, I'll admit that I'm contradicting myself right now as I'm cuddled up with Alyssa in her warm embrace. She's finished her shift in the bakery and I'm done with the news bulletin script. Now we just wait for an hour before the bulletin is to be read. And no matter how comfy I am, I still feel so done.

“Courtney, can you stop spooning your girlfriend for a few seconds.” Adore asks, popping her head in the door, pulling me from my cuddle session with Alyssa. “I think you're in trouble with Dela or some shit.”

I feel my stomach do a flip, looking from Adore to Alyssa, who's ready to fall asleep on the staff room couch. Her eye's shoot open as I lightly shake her. “I'm being summoned.”

She just nods and closes her eyes again, returning to her nap. And with that I'm following Adore out of the station, making our way downstairs and into the bakery. She leads me to kitchen area where numerous workers are baking all sorts of treats. Dela is test tasting some cookie dough before she sees me.

“Oh, there you are, honey!” She beams a smile which I don't expect coming from someone who I'm supposedly in trouble with. “Follow me to my office.”

I follow her trail, as does Adore, to her “office” which is really just another staff room. Dela asks the people in there to leave for a moment before she begins on what she has to say.

“So, Adore and I had a look over the script and it was perfect,” she smiles to which I stifle a laugh and thank her, “up until the story about the guy killing his wife and robbing her.”

“Yeah, gur'!” Adore makes an input, pulling a copy of the script from her pocket and unfolding it. “Get this; you wrote 'Mr Emerson was last seen with his wife at the gun shop before he took her home, rid himself of any emotions for her, shot her down and took not just her money but took every ounce of love he once had for her and shit on it. Absolute asshole. Fuck you, you using whore...'”

Adore actually laughs a bit earning a glare from Dela.

“I'm sorry. I had no idea I wrote that.” I explain. It sounds like bullshit but I swear. I have no recollection.

Dela takes in my statement and nods. “I understand. Courtney, I know you. You've worked here for a few years now and I know when you have your good days and your bad days. I have a feeling this 'outburst' isn't about the man.”

A lump forms in my throat.

“I don't want to intrude, dear, but I feel you should figure out all of this stuff you've got going on with Willam.” Dela states to which my eyes widen.

“I don't know what you're- -”

“Don't worry! It's OK. To be honest, it's easy to figure out.” She replies pursing her lips. “You rush out of here so fast on Wednesdays. You don't even speak to her anymore let alone acknowledge her minus the glares you give her.”

I'm froze to the spot and remain in silence as this is all practically thrown at me.

“Yeah, you and Willam obviously got shit going on that you need to work out asap!” Adore explains, taking a seat on the beaten up couch.

“I...I...” I can't respond. What is there to say? That I was totally wrong for reacting so badly to her lies?

“We want to see the old Courtney back again. What happened to that bright, energetic and charismatic woman that we once knew?” Dela questions.

_She had her heart broken in two pieces and then stumped on._

“I'm gonna let Adore take over. After all, I've noticed you are both quite close. And I'm just glad that throughout this change you've still kept her close.” Dela states, moving towards the door. “I gotta get back to work. Bye, ladies.”

With that I'm left with Adore. I _do_ feel more at ease now. Throughout working here, Adore has always been there for me whenever I've had down days. I guess that's why I always attend her gigs. It's my way of saying thank you to her.

“OK, man, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. I'm going to be straight up about this;” Adore speaks in a stern tone which startles me. “Your drama is making things awkward for everyone at the station.”

“What? How?” I respond flabbergasted by the statement.

“Haven't you noticed? Everyone working here used to always hang out. Like that time you and I and Willam and Alyssa got ready to go out together. But now, the idea of having you and Willam or you and Alyssa in the same room makes everyone uncomfortable!” Adore explains. “We all know you and Willam aren't cool with each other. And how you act with Alyssa, I'm sorry to say, is childish. Last time I saw girls like you and here it was in high school.”

I'm stunned to silence.

“I'm sorry I'm coming across as a bitch but I'm being honest. No one invites you or Willam to anything anymore because it would be rude to invite one and not the other. And you both can't be in the same room together 'cause no one wants to feel that level of tension.”

“Wait. At least let me talk.” I interrupt her before she can continue. “Willam did try to sort it out...in a way. And she didn't go about it the right way.”

“How do you mean?” Adore questions.

“Well, she came here to tell me that she actually just used me as a rebound to get at someone else.” I'm silent for a few seconds as I shake my head. “I was her toy.”

“Why did she tell you that?” Adore's asks as her eyes widen at my statement.

“I don't know. To make me even more miserable?” I state in a pitiful tone.

“Stop being so depressing and give me real answers, man.” Adore interjects.

I lick my lips before giving my answer. “OK, so she said that she felt bad knowing she fucked me over...and she apologized.”

“And...did you accept her apology.” She narrows her eyes.

“No.” I scoff.

“Well...why not?”

“Would you??”

Adore takes a few seconds before answering. “Yeah, I would.”

“Well, there are two types of people.” I reply.

“Yeah, people who waste time relying on the past. And adults.” Adore replies with a sharp tone. “You know you're gonna have to forgive her at some point.”

“No. That's never gonna happen.” I rebuke, shaking my head.

“Well it better.” Adore says sharply. “Courtney, at least she had the balls to tell you. It takes a lot of courage to admit to something like that. And I'm not gonna lie; I tip my hat to Willam for it.”

“You can't be serious, Adore.” I scoff.

“I am. Listen, do you really think she'd realise how much she's fucked you over, bringing her to apologise, if she didn't give two shits about your feelings? Personally, if I didn't care about someone I wouldn't even bother with an apology. I'd basically just flip them off and carry on with my own life. But Willam is clearly trying to make amends here.”

“Amends is off the cards at this stage. Don't you think sorry isn't enough in this particular situation?? She broke my heart into tiny pieces and has left me in the most miserable state ever.”

“No, _you've_ left yourself in this state.” Adore accuses, pointing her finger at me. Her brows are connected and her jaw is clenched.

“Adore, this is ridiculous.” I rebuke, throwing my hands in the air.

“ _You've_ left yourself in this state 'cause basically the only person you're thinking of right now is you. Her apology has gone in one ear and out the other. You're so focused on your own feelings you haven't stopped to think about Willam's. And deep down inside, you know exactly that you're not exactly the innocent victim that you think you are.”

“How?” I question, creases appearing in my forehead as my frustration grows.

“I'll give you a clue. If you remove a few letters from her name it becomes 'Ass'.” Adore says in a deadpan tone.

“Adore...what?”

“Alyssa, you dummy! You don't like her. You've never liked her. Just like you never liked Willam. And don't give me some bullshit like you never realised it until later or opposites attract.” Adore's face scrunches up as her she raises her tone. “I know you well enough, Courtney. Alyssa has never been your type and she never will be.”

There's a moment of silence between us as she waits for me to say something. My mouth opens. And then closes again as I can't bring myself to say anything.

“Court', trust me. The only one who buys this new relationship is Alyssa. And that's not fair. You know that.”

I'm silent before I sigh heavily which is followed by a groan. “Fine. You're right. I don't like Alyssa at all. I only got myself into this thing with her because that's what Willam told me to do. We needed to see other people. But now I'm stuck with her.”

“Well, I guess you better take lessons from Willam then.” Adore says, cocking her head to the side.

“Huh?”

“Tell. Her. The. Truth!” Adore says clapping the back of her hand on the palm of the free one. “You gotta be honest with her, Court. I'm sorry to say this but you're basically doing to her what Willam did to you. She's _your_ rebound. Just a way to get under Willam's skin.”

“I know but I can't tell her. She'll be heart broken.” I whine, sitting on the staff room table, burying my face in my hands.

Adore gets up from the couch and sits next to me on the table, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “I know. But listen. Willam probably thought the exact same thing. She probably knew this would have bad consequences. But she gave it a shot. And now it's your turn to confess and apologise too. If Willam can do it, so can you.”

“And what if she can't forgive me?”

“She will. Trust me. Maybe not right away. But eventually. 'Cause I know you'll learn to forget about what happened with Willam. And so will Alyssa.” Adore tried to calm me, trailing her fingers along my arm.

“Adore, I can't. You don't understand. I don't want to hurt her.” I explain.

“Don't worry. Just sit her down and talk to her. Explain why you did what you did, talk about how it's made you feel miserable knowing you were feeding off her emotions for the wrong reasons and apologise.” Adore advises. “And also, give her tonnes of compliments. You know Alyssa loves compliments.”

I sigh quietly, thinking about how I could even bring myself to confess to such a thing, especially now that I know the result it brings. “Adore, she's gonna hate me.”

“She won't. I promise. And when have I ever broken a promise?” Adore's voice softens as she smiles and sweeps a lock of hair out of my face.

“That time you promised not to throw up on my shoes when you were drunk and you did it the week after.” I reply, stifling a giggle.

“Shut up, bitch.” Adore replies narrowing her eyes and playfully slapping my arm.

* * *

“OK, you sit on the couch and I'll be right back.”

I take a seat on Alyssa's couch as she leaves the room. Upon telling her we needed to talk she informed me in the car of a “surprise” which was waiting for me back at her home. Now I know my confession isn't going to go well.

She also noted that this surprise kept her up most of the night giving the reason for her lack of energy at the radio station which made only made me feel even more guilty.

I figit with my hands, anxiously, thinking of how I could start off my confession, thinking of the right words to use, thinking of what to do for whatever reaction I receive. There will be tears. But maybe she'll forgive me. Maybe not.

“I'm back!” Alyssa annouces in a sing song tone. As she sits on the couch I notice the cardboard box in her hands. “OK, so I noticed you were upset the other day in the car and I know you don't want to talk about it. But I wanted to get you this to show you that I do care. And I love you.”

My heart sinks at the last statement and my skin turns pale. This is not good. This has gone on too long. This should have stopped weeks ago. Then I wouldn't have had to hear those words. All my life, that's all I've wanted to hear. Those three short but powerful words. But now I can't stand it. All I feel is regret.

She opens the box. I don't even have to lean over to see whats inside as a ball of fluff practically pops up. Alyssa's beaming a smile at me before she picks up the fluff ball from the box.

“Say hello to your very own puppy!” She exclaims holding up the labrador puppy. She carefully holds it out for me to take. I cautisiously take it into my arms, trying to keep my hands as steady as possible. But how can I when I'm about to break someones heart? “He kept me up all night with his barking and crying and all of that tomfoolery. But I guess he's all yours now.”

I'm silent as I just watch the puppy get comfy in my arms, nussling his snout in the crook of my elbow. I try so hard not to let tears surface. I have to be strong. I can't back out of this.

“Sooo...do you like him?” Alyssa asks, her smile waivering a bit.

“Uh, yeah. It's just...” Just breathe and speak, Court'. “I need to talk to you about something.”

And now I'm feeling the dreaded deja vu, only the roles are switched now. It holds me back from continuing. I need air.

“Well, I'm here and I'm listening. Talk to me, girl.” Alyssa smiles.

There's a moment of silence before I stand up making my way to the balcony, taking the puppy with me. I telepathically tell Alyssa to follow me which seems to work as I hear her heels clacking behind me.

Once outside, I lean against the barrier, petting the dog to keep me calm. Alyssa leans against the wall looking at me with the same concerned eyes when I had my breakdown in the car. “Courtney, is something wrong?”

I close my eyes as I breathe out heavily through my nostrils. This is it. This is how I lose another friend. Because of my own actions.

I open my eyes again and look to Alyssa. “Well first I just wanna start off by saying that...you mean so much to me. And I really care about you. You've been really sweet to me for a while now. Well I guess that is because of us being together. But I really appreciate you.”

Alyssa stifles a laugh as her smile returns. She looks to the ground clearly flattered by my words. Adore was right. Compliments do seem to work.

“You're such a loving and thoughtful person, Alyssa. You're beautiful inside and out and you always make those around you smile. You've made me feel better during this time.”

Alyssa's eyes meet mine again beaming a smile at me. And it breaks my hear that it's not going to last. “You're too sweet.”

“But, I want to be honest with you.” I say, briefly petting the puppy to relax me. “I'm sorry, Alyssa, but; I don't love you.”

I watch as her smile falls. The corners falling slowly, just as my knees try not to give way and let me fall.

“And I don't think I ever loved you. I just...got with you for a selfish and horrible reason. And I feel so bad that it's led to this. I'm sorry, Alyssa.” I shake my head, speaking with a croaky voice.

She's just watching me. She's silent. Her mouth is tighly sealed. She swallows the lump in her throat. Her eyes crack as tears brim the lower lids.

“Alyssa, I know this wasn't what you wanted to hear. But I hope you can forgive me.” I say taking a step towards her.

She turns her back to me, running a hand through her volumous brown hair. “I can't...I don't know...what to say.”

“Well, I was thinking about it and, to be honest, you never really liked me anyway! Not until I kissed you.” I spoke softly. “You were interested in someone else. Remember?”

“Of course I remember.” She abruptly snaps, turning to face me. The tears are glistening in her eyes and trickling down her cheeks. “I remember being interested in someone who I will never have. Someone who doesn't see me the way I see her. But then you showed me what it was like to feel special. To feel adored and loved. And that felt nice. And I learned to love you...because you were so lovely to me. And now I just...I just don't know what to think.”

“I know. And I know how this feels, Alyssa. Trust me. I know exactly what it's like.” With each word, my voice becomes even shakier and now I'm crying too. “But I wouldn't have confessed to you if I didn't care. I know I've messed up and I want to fix it. I couldn't just keep playing with your heart. I had to be honest and it's because I care so much about you. I just want to be your friend. Like how we used to back at the station. Please forgive me, Alyssa.”

Her eyes are cast down as more tears roll down her face. She's folded her arms close to her chest as if to comfort herself as she trembles.

“Alyssa.” I murmur, balancing the puppy in one arm and using my free hand to try and grab hers.

“Don't!” Alyssa snaps, pulling away from my hand and shooting her gaze to me. “Listen. Just...go home. I...I can't even think right now. Just please. Leave me alone.”

I think about putting up a fight to stay. But I've already done enough. It's over.

“Alright.” I murmur. “So...do you want the dog back?”

I ask, gently rocking the puppy in my arms.

“No.” She replies.

I nod my head and avert my eyes to the door way. I don't want to leave. Part of me says I should stay and take care of her. That I should make up for the shitty thing that I've done. Part of me says to leave the puppy, despite what she said. She needs it more than I do.

But I find myself just walking away. And as I walk further from the balcony and from the living room and eventually from the house, I hear her sob louder and louder. Each cry is like a stab in the chest.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

I went home and cried in the dark living room for what seemed like hours, taking intervals to listen to sad music and cuddle the puppy. And I don't mean pretty crying. I was full on sobbing, making gross choking sounds as loud as I could. I had hoped that Alaska would've heard me and came running to my side, providing me comfort in my time of guilt-riddled misery. But I guess she was out as she hadn't come to me at all. This only made me feel even worse realising how alone I was.

The puppy seemed awkward around me. Usually in movies when the titular character is crying, their dog comes running to their side trying to cheer their loving owner up. But in my movie 'Courtney's Infinite Search for Love' (or 'Courtney's bad life choices' or 'The Selfish Act of Courtney'), it doesn't include the scene in which the dog helps. I suppose it's because he doesn't know me. Or maybe he felt Alyssa's pain.

I lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling with blurred vision, whimpering and holding the poor puppy tightly to my form. My head is pounding and my eyes sting in their now red form. I rub at them wearily, feeling more drained than I have ever been. I know I said that before. But this is rock bottom. I've fucked up. I've messed with an innocent persons head. Someone who deserves far better.

A vibrating in my pocket grabs my attention. I loosen my hold on the puppy and pull my phone from my pocket. It's Adore.

_'Hey, man! How did it go with Alyssa? x'_

As I read the last word of the text I let another gross sob sound arise from my throat and out through my mouth. It's so loud it startles the poor dog. I briefly pet him to let him calm before clicking on Adore's number and holding the phone to my ear. After a brief set of dial up tones, I hear rustling followed by her voice.

“Howdy. I guess you saw the text!” Adore exclaims cheerfully, too cheerful.

“Ummm...Adore. I really want you to come over.” I whimper.

“Holy shit. You sound like shit. What happened? What's wrong?” Adore questions in a concerned manner.

“I just...I just...don't want to be alone right now.” I sob.

“'Kay. I'll come as fast as I can.” Adore states. “I'm leaving now. While you wait, get yourself some chocolate or something to cuddle or listen to sad music. I'll be there soon.”

 

* * *

 

As soon as Adore had walked in I flung my arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder. As if everything's already been said. I try to speak, but can't find words. She rubs up and down my back, speaking to me softly.

“Hey, it's OK, girl. You're OK.” She soothes pulling away and holding my hands. She guides me to my sofa, gently pushing on my shoulders to sit. She quickly gives the puppy a weird look before picking him up and placing him on my lap. “Gimme a second and I'll be back.”

Adore makes her way to the kitchen area leaving me oblivious to what she is doing with my back to her. I hear the tap going. Then silence. Then the kettle flicking on. Something tearing (maybe a tissue). And she's back in front of me.

“Here.” She kneels in front of me, dabbing at my face with what was indeed a tissue.

“Thank you, Adore.” I say with a cracked throat.

She gives me a smile as she sits next to me on the sofa now.

“So, I'm assuming it didn't turn out how you expected?” Adore asks, petting the puppy.

“No. It didn't. She seems really torn up.” I reply, trying my hardest not to sob again. “Hearing her cry was awful. I just feel awful. I made someone cry today. I've never made someone cry.”

“Actually, remember that time we were drunk and you told me how I was your best friend and I got all emotional?” Adore smiled slightly. “Sorry. Time and place. But yeah, I understand. Making someone cry always feels like shit.”

“I just...feel like my whole life I've been wasting time, trying to find true love. And it's made me into this awful person. I should just...give up...and just go back to hooking with people I meet at bars.” I say, sighing heavily.

“OK, that won't help anything.” Adore said shaking her head.

“Oh, what's the point? Everything was fine before Willam and I started our thing. I had no worries, no guilts and no troubles.”

“Girl, listen to me. Life isn't easy. Do you think if it were it would be as fun? Life is like that one question you get in a test that you can't figure out. You just feel like you can't solve it. But you don't leave it blank. You think about it. You think about what you can do in order to get the answer. You try and figure out different ways to solve it in order to achieve a better outcome. What I'm basically saying is life is all about solving problems. You can't just leave them and give up. Courtney, do you remember what I told you months ago?” Adore gently takes my hand in hers.

“I don't know.” I shrug. “What did you tell me?”

“There are plenty of fish in sea. As cheesy and cliché as that sounds it's true. Not everyone is a heartbreaker like Willam. There are good people out there who want to feel love as much as you do. You just gotta go find them. Or let them find you.”

I nod taking in her words. “I know. But I hate waiting for it to happen.”

“Well tough luck, girl.” Adore shrugs her shoulders. “It could take a day – a week – month – year – decade- -”

“That sounds promising.” I reply sarcastically.

“I know, right?” Adore drawls, her eyes widening as she stresses how irritating her last statement was. “But when it does happen, trust me. It'll feel so good and you'll regret ever planning to give up on love. And you'll forget about what happened with Willam and Alyssa.”

“Really?” I say hopefully.

“Yeah. And I know you, Courtney. You're not a quitter, never have been a quitter and never will be a quitter.” She says, stroking her thumb over my hand.

“Thanks.” I lean into her embrace as she opens her arms, gesturing for a hug.Her fingers trail up and down my arm in a comforting manner allowing me to relax.

“So, I hate to change the subject but I never knew you had a dog.” Adore states.

I pull away, wiping at my eyes once more. “Believe it or not, Alyssa gave him to me. Right before I told her the truth.”

“Oh...well. That's kinda awkward.” She replies, one corner of her mouth drawing to the side. “What did you call him?”

“I haven't. All I've done since leaving Alyssa's place is cry and feel sorry for myself.” I reply, shaking my head.

“Not even a cute little baby like him could cheer you up?” Adore smiled down to the puppy, talking as if she was a child. “Actually that makes me feel 10 times better about myself.”

“To be honest I don't think he likes me. He just keeps getting awkward when I hug him and sometimes he wriggles like he wants to escape.” I shrug.

“Maybe 'cause you're crying all over him and it's gross.” Adore smirks.

I stifle a laugh, drying my eyes with my sleeve. “Well, do you want him?”

“I wish I could, but I can't. The place I'm living at doesn't allow pets. It kinda sucks. I always wanted either a dog or a cat.”

“Well...I guess I'm going to have to deal with a dog that thinks I'm weird.” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

“He'll come around. Don't forget, this is a new experience for him. He's obviously gonne be sad and afraid of the new situation. But he'll learn to adapt to all of this. And he'll be happier in the end.” Adore says, looking away from the puppy to give me a meaningful smile.

“Is that a metaphor for my current situation?”

“It wasn't intended to be but I guess it is now. Wow, I should do poetry or some shit.” Adore laughs.

Upon learning Alaska wasn't coming home, Adore agreed to stay over. The rest of our night was spent drinking tea, thinking of a name for the dog (to which we agreed on Bailey) and watching guilty pleasure reality shows. As entertaining as the night was, I thought about what Adore had told me. Not to give up. But not to actively seek a love life; because it will be worth it.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, I had awoken on the sofa, guessing we had fallen asleep during one of the TV shows. Adore was already awake and had made breakfast. She even had the time to briefly run out to get food for Bailey. It's not even her dog and she's got her shit more together than I do.

While she waited for me to wake up, she played with the puppy who seemed more open and excited.

After eating, we went shopping for more dog food and supplies before paying a brief visit to the bar Adore performs in for a meeting. After he had called her, Adore insisted Dick wouldn't mind me being there.

“6.00 every week is kind of a no-no for me, man. I got my shift at the station.” Adore replies, playing with her nails while I just listen.

“Well, it's either 5 evenings, everyday next week at 6PM, for two hour gigs each or a 3 hour gig on the Friday night.” Dick wagers while petting Bailey who pants as he sits in his lap. God, this dogs charm is infectious.

“Eww, no! From what I've seen only teenagers go out on Friday nights. Well the ones who look old enough to go places. And drunk teenagers are messy.” Adore groans, leaning back in her chair and playing with her long black hair. “They throw up everywhere and get into fights. I've even watched teenage boys try and climb up on stage with singers, man. It's too whack for me.”

“I know but...I don't know how much you know about Indie week but no one comes here. They go down town to  _Filthies_  instead 'cause that's where the talents at. If I have entertainment this year then more people will come. I already have 2 other guys, but not as good as you. You are one of the best performers I've met. You're the perfect match, Adore.” Dick pleads.

“But the teenagers...” Adore groans.

“Please, Adore. It'll make my life a bit easier. It's not just entertainment I gotta get. I need to find other staff too. And that's hard! Wade quit a few days ago to go to college.” Dick says defensively, pointing to the door as if to make a point.

“No way! Wade the bouncer?? He was my homey!” Adore says jabbing a finger into the table. “The betrayal!”

Dick's eyebrows knit together. “No that's Jerry. Wade's the bartender.”

Adore's mouths an 'oh' while sighing with relief.

“Well you'd be surprised by how many people who have experience with bartending, Mr. Dick.” I add, stifling a laugh at his name. God, am I 12? “Sorry.”

“It's OK. Also, it's just Dick.” He also laughs. “Well, know anyone who'd be interested?”

“Maybe you should join us, Court'.” Adore suggests leaning an elbow on the wooden table and looking directly at me. “You bartended briefly in college, right?”

I don't even have a chance to answer before Dick's hand falls on mine. “Yes. I need staff. Please.”

“I don't know if I can. I also work at the station.” I reply with an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, but you only work there for like 10 minutes a day or something like that.” Adore smirks.

“Courtney, please. You'll be paid well. And it's only for a week.” Dick asks again.

“Yeah, Court'.” Adore agrees, her hand falling on my free one. My eyes bolt to her now as she looks at me with puppy dog eyes. “We'll get to spend more time together and who doesn't want that?”

I sigh out, thinking of my decision, while Adore just strokes her thumb over the back of my hand.

Maybe I should. It would definitely keep me busier than I usually am at the station considering I only work there for up to 2 hours a day. I wouldn't have to sit around thinking about Alyssa or Willam. No room for feeling sorry for myself when I have to focus. And besides, it was only for a week. And I would be doing it with a close friend.

“OK, I'll do it.” I say beaming a smile to Adore and then to Dick.

“Fuck yes!” Adore exclaims, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to her. “We are gonna have the best week, bitch.”

Dick just laughs as I look to him for help while Adore smothers me. But hey, who knew being squeezed to death could feel so nice.

Holy shit, that didn't sound right.


	12. Chapter 12

“Next week is a no-no for me. I'm set to perform at 6.00 everyday. You know? When the news is read? Totally clashes.” Adore informs Dela, who is sitting on the table, of her office slash staff room, frowning at the news. “It's only for a week though. Don't be sad.”

Dela's face brightens up upon hearing this. “Oh! I thought we were losing you forever, Adore. You know I hate to see my girls go.”

“No, you're stuck with me, bitch.” Adore laughs.

I turn my back from the kettle which is slowly brewing. “Same goes for me. Only I'm bartending everyday from 1 to 11 at night. So I guess you're going to have to find a new script writer for the time being.”

“Well, that can be easily arranged.” Dela replies, pulling her phone out and tapping around on the screen. “I had two gentlemen come see me today about joining the team. Alexander Steinberg and Kevin Moore. Sound familiar?”

We both shake our heads.

“Well, I was going to have them working with Katya and Trixie for the daily news programmes but I guess we could start them off in your positions so they're not automatically thrown into such a difficult task on their first day. ” Dela explains, tucking her phone into her apron pocket. “Only temporarily though. Just so they can find their feet and get to know the team a bit better.”

“That's cool.” Adore says, joining me at the kettle area and taking a mug from the cupboard. It says 'No life without wife' which makes me giggle.

“Or maybe...” Dela begins, sounding as if she's had an epiphany. “...My original plan was to have one do the news writing and the other reading the news one day and then switching it up each day. But, I could just have them both read the script. If they want to be reporters they're going to have to get used to talking on air.”

“Yeah, but where will you or Alyssa go?” Adore asks plopping a tea bag in her cup. “One of the newbies gotta replace someone right?”

Dela's silent for a few seconds, her tongue clicking before saying a word. “Actually, Alyssa quit this morning.”

I drop the tea spoon quickly spinning around to face her now. “Wait...what?”

“She didn't come into the bakery this morning so I called her. I thought she was sick or something and you both know how I worry about you all. She just straight up quit.”

I give Adore a side glance before hesitantly asking, “Did she say why?”

“No. Nothing. But she did sound drained. I was planning on visiting her this evening to see what's wrong.” Dela shrugged. “She was great on air. I don't want to lose one of my best.”

My stomach tightens as my fingers comb through my hair, tightening at my scalp.

“Fuck,” is all I can say.

“I know. I had good news for her too. I was going to let her take over the local affairs show. I feel I should be present in the bakery more often so she was going to be the main presenter.” Dela shook her head. “I don't know what could have caused this.”

Adore and Dela continue to discuss the matter as I turn my attention back to my tea. A lump forms in my throat thinking of Alyssa. This is obviously due to me. What else could it be? It's just too much of a coincidence to not be my fault.

“I need to fix this.” I blurt out.

Adore and Dela's eyes are fixed on me now. I sit on the counter top, taking the warm mug in my hands. I stare at the tea in silence for a few seconds nervously tapping on the ceramic.

“I'm going to go talk to her.” I state. “Right after I finish the news script.”

I look up and see Dela looks somewhat confused but doesn't press the matter. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “She can't quit. She  _is_  one of the best after all.”

“Yeah, she's like,” Adore pauses as she thinks, “someone people would know. Like, when I'm gigging people ask if I personally know other presenters and almost every time it happens, they mention her. She's made an impact on this station, man.”

“Exactly.” I nod my head, sipping the tea.

“Well, I could write the news script today and you can go speak to her now, if you want.” Dela suggests.

I bite my top lip with my bottom teeth as my stomach flips at the thought. “I don't know.”

“I'll drive you.” Adore states, trying to make the situation less scary.

I just look at her with pleading eyes. She puts a hand on mine and gives a reassuring smile. “It'll be fine. Trust me.”

“Well, I'm going to get back to baking.” Dela states as if she feels awkward. “I hope it goes well. And, Courtney, if you can't get her to come back, then just let her be. She might come back in her own time.”

 

* * *

 

When we pull up outside the huge house, I feel my breathing waver. I just look at the house beyond the gate thinking of things to say.

“Don't worry, girl. If it goes well, then thank fuck. If she says no, then there isn't much else we can do.” Adore says, petting Bailey who we decided to pick up on the way to make me less nervous.

“OK.” I sigh, getting out of the car.

I walk around the vehicle to the gate pressing the buzzer on the voice box. It rings for a few seconds before I hear a quiet voice say, “Who is it?”

“It's me, Alyssa. Can you let me in, please?” I reply.

There's a moment of silence before her voice is heard again.

“Go...away.”

I look around to Adore for suggestions on what to do next. She just shrugs. I sigh, turning back to the box. “OK.”

I take a few steps back from the box feeling defeated. I turn back to the car. Adore looks disappointed, understandably. The feeling of guilt continues to bubble in my stomach.

No. This can't go on.

I turn back to the voice box, clicking the buzzer again. Once the connection is made, Alyssa doesn't even get a chance to speak.

“Alyssa, just let me in. I want to make this right.” I state with a serious tone.

There's another pregnant pause. I roll my eyes waiting for a reply. To my luck, the gate makes a clicking sound as it slowly opens. I sigh with relief, turning to smile at Adore.

“You got this, girl.” She beams.

I nervously pet Bailey as I make my way through the gate, thinking of how I should handle the situation. This isn't just about bringing her back to her job. It's about fixing our friendship. Something that I ruined. This is my responsibility.

Before I can ring the bell, Alyssa opens the door and leans on the frame. I'm distracted by her blotchy red face and puffy bloodshot eyes, leaving me silent. She crosses her arms across her chest.

“Um...can I come in?” I squeak.

Alyssa is silent for a few seconds before extending a hand to her lobby inviting me in. I hesitantly take a few steps into the house as she closes the door behind me. I quickly turn to face her as if I'm worried in case she attacks me with an axe.

“Listen I don't want to sound abrupt but you can't leave the station, Alyssa.” I urge as she makes her way into the lounge to which I follow.

I take a seat on an arm chair while she curls up on the couch wrapping herself in a blanket. Alyssa sighs heavily. “It's too late. I already told Dela.”

“I know. She told us.” I reply matter of factly. “Why?”

“Why what, Courtney?”

“Why are you leaving Tune?”

Alyssa looks at me with disbelief. “Because I just can't bring myself to be around you.”

“At all?”

“At all.” She replies firmly. “Courtney, you know me. I'm not one to be open about relationships. But we acted like some teenage couple at school. Showing off in front of everyone. Acting like we were untouchable. I thought we were a genuine couple. So I said 'Fuck it, Alyssa. Just let go and live for once.' And then I find that it was all fake. I feel ridiculed Courtney. I don't even want to know what the team think of me now. Do you understand me?”

“Actually, yes, I do understand. Alyssa, the same thing happened to me. And that's why I used you. I never told you because at the time I didn't realise it.” I explain. “I know that crushing feeling. The thought of giving something your all for it to actually be not enough...and it  _is_  awful. How you're feeling right now is how I felt that day in the car. I know the exact feeling, Alyssa.”

She's silent for a while just observing me.

“I just hate the fact I've gone and hurt someone innocent for my own selfish reason. And trust me. It doesn't feel any better than heartbreak.” I state, looking to Bailey as my eyes fill up with salty tears. “Hearing that you quit was enough. I need to make this better and stop running from the situation.”

I look up, my teary eyes meeting hers. She still has a stern expression on her face.

“I accept that I messed up majorly. I know I'm a horrible person and don't even deserve forgiveness. But I really don't want you to quit the station, Alyssa. You're one of the best. Yeah, maybe you don't have the best ideas,” I pause to smile and shake my head. She actually stifles a laugh at this, “but you're so charismatic and it makes working there even better.”

Alyssa looks to her hands and plays with one of the pink nails. “You all really love my buffoonery. I know that. I'm not gonna lie I am terrible with ideas. But I guess I do bring charm to the place. Not that everyone else is boring. I just...bring that little bit extra. Right?”

“Exactly.” I give her a small smile before looking at her seriously again. “Please don't leave, Alyssa.”

Her blue eyes meet mine, kicking her legs off the couch. She leans forward with her head in her hands as her elbows plant on her knees. “Alright. You're right. Lord knows it wouldn't be the same without me.”

I smile feeling the relief wash over me. She stands up and walks over to me extending her arms out. “C'mere.”

I put Bailey on the floor before standing up and accepting the embrace.

“Thank you for coming.” Alyssa's voice sounds in my ear.

“I guess...we're good?” I ask awkwardly.

“I guess we are.” I can hear her smile. She pulls away but keeps her arms around me for an extra second. Lowering her arms and stepping back, her eyes go to Bailey. “I can't believe you kept him. I had a dream and you gave him away. I thought you were crazy to do such a thing.”

She's on her knees playing with him now. It's actually quite cute to watch as she cuddles him and he licks her face.

“To be honest, he'd most likely run away than be given up by me. He doesn't really like me.” I roll my eyes but stifle a laugh.

“Has he got a name?” Alyssa looks up to me as I sit back down on the arm chair.

“We agreed on Bailey.”

“Oh, in my dream his name was Squirpy. Very me, I know.” She laughs. “You and your room mate named him?”

“No, Alaska only met him today.” I explain. “It was Adore who actually thought of it. I thought it was pretty. So we agreed. He loves Adore to bits and pieces too.”

“We all have a favourite parent.” Alyssa smirks before cackling.

“Shut up.” I laugh. “Probably 'cause she was the first to feed him.”

“He'll brighten up, Miss thing. Dogs are smart. They're men's brothers after all.”

“Man's best friend.” I correct her.

Alyssa throws a hand up and smirks upon learning her mistake. All of the familiar Alyssa traits come together so fast. I feel totally at ease.

**A.N. Interesting story (Or maybe only to me). The station in this story is based on a radio station I used to work at and absolutely loved. Upon choosing Sasha and Peppermint as the new employees, I was shocked to find Pepper's real name is Kevin Moore. There was a guy who worked at the station also called Kevin Moore. I just find it kinda coincidental.**


	13. Chapter 13

It hasn’t even been a week since I started my shifts at  _The Tap,_ the bar in which Adore performed, the place we held most of our staff do’s _._ Although the memories made here were not necesserily the best due to recent events, it was somewhat comforting working in a familiar environment. The sound of the drunks singing along to the mellow sounds of Adore’s voice makes me smirk with amusement.

“ _Kiss me…beneath the milky twilight…”_ a man serenades me as I pour him his fifth drink for the night.

“You having a good time, mate?” I ask beaming a smile at him.

“Ohhh, the lady…” he pauses to point a finger to Adore twirling on the stage, “…brilliant singer…brilliant singer…”

“I know, right? That’s Adore. She’s my friend.” I stated handing him the pint of beer.

“Beautiful - beautiful…” he slurs, “You know?”

“Yeah…” I look to Adore as she gently sways to the rhythm of her song, fairy lights reflecting their glow off her hair. “…she really is…”

My eyes turn to the drunken man as he hands me his money and stumbles away with his drink. He trips on the way causing everyone to look in his direction. His friends help him up as he begins laughing and cheering at his foolishness.

Adore has even stopped singing for a moment, she’s distracted by the scene.

“Be careful, man. Glad you’re having fun though. Damn.” She giggles before continuing on with the song.

I watch her as she sings so smoothly, the audience sway from side to side captivated by her performance. She has such an amazing presence.

I’m so glad she got me into this job. Not only is it extra money but I still get to spend time with her. Ever since I told her about the Willam situation she’s been nothing but helpful. She’s visited everyday, even Bailey is convinced she has a second mom. Her company has helped a lot.

I suppose I feel better that I patched things up with Alyssa but there was still Willam. I know in my heart I should just forgive her. But there is still some level of hurt there. Not as much as it was before. I’ve learned to kind of forget about it and get on with life.

But when I’m in Adore’s company I just seem to forget about everything. All the bad feelings leave my mind. No Willam. No worries.

Snap. Snap.

I’m pulled from my thoughts as I look to the source of the snapping.

“Anyone home?”

It’s a man clicking his fingers in my direction, his other hand holding a few coins. “I’m sorry. What can I get you?”

“Just a strawberry and lime cider. You distracted?” He teases as I get to work on his order.

“No…well, yeah actually. She’s my friend. She’s a great singer.” I speak trying to focus on finding the right bottle from the coolers. Once I find it, I bend down to grab the bottle.

“Oh, she’s yours then?” He smirks.

“My friend, yes.” I reply before grabbing a glass and filling it with ice. I turn back to him and place the glass down.

He’s silent for a while but still smiling. He breaks the pause, responding with, “nice.”

Feeling awkward in the strange moment, I take his money, grab the change from the till and return to the man.

“Keep the change.” He smirks, walking away.

“Thanks.” I reply.

Well that was weird.

The music, stops making me turn to look to the stage.

“Thank you all for having me. My name is Adore Delano and you can’t buy any singles yet ‘cause I’m such a busy bitch but come see me more. You’ve been a great audience!” Adore kisses her fingers and gives the audience a sign of peace before leaving the stage. She practically skips up to the bar, squealing with excitement. “Oh my gosh, that was the best gig I’ve had so far. I’m so glad I wasn’t roped into that Friday gig. That shit’s messy.”

“I know, girl. Well congratulations! You did great. Trust me; watch this place start to fill up with crowds over the next week.” I beam a smile as I work on pouring her a drink.

“Holy shit, you’re like my number one fan girl, I love it.” Adore laughs. “So how was your first night working as a bar tender?”

I pass Adore the bottle of beer and she takes a sip.

“Not my first night. I did some at college. Remember? But I suppose this place is nicer compared the last place I worked. Better atmosphere. Nice lighting. Friendly customers -even though some are kinda weird-” I mutter the last part. “And I get to watch you perform as well so that’s a big plus.”

“Yeah, ‘cause why wouldn’t you wanna watch this bitch sing other peoples music for a couple of hours.” Adore’s smirks, taking another drink. “I swear, man, one day I’m gonna write my own stuff. And I’m gonna be sooo…fucking…cool.”

“Well I’m gonna hold you to that.” I say leaning my elbows on the counter.

“You better.” Adore replies.

“So what are your plans now?”

“Well I was just gonna hang out here until you finished your shift. Maybe I’ll get drunk. I dunno. I just wanna hang out.”

“Well I’m very glad you find me entertaining enough despite all the whining and crying I’ve been doing.” I stifle a laugh.

“Girl, shut up. You’re so fucking awesome. I love you and don’t you forget that.” Adore points a finger in my face and uses her other hand to grab mine.

“I love me too.” I say with a cheeky smile.

 

* * *

 

It’s been over 3 weeks since I started the temporary bar tending shifts at  _The Tap_ and let’s just say it’s no longer temporary. Dick offered me a full time position due the lack of workers he had as well as my “charismatic personality”. So here I am making more money than I had when working for Tune 105. I took night shifts as I didn’t want to give up working for the radio station that I loved so much. I still worked on writing the news scripts so I had the opportunity to meet our two new presenters. They were nice. Very smart and approachable. I helped them prepare for live news readings along with Dela even though the only experience I have with it is from watching Adore and Alyssa.

Speaking of Adore and Alyssa, they were promoted as reporters of the morning and news programmes. They work with Katya and Trixie now, the clowns of the station. It’s fun to watch Alyssa get frustrated with them as they goof around when their supposed to be out finding stories. Adore just encourages them which makes it even funnier. But the final product of the programmes always turn out perfect. If only our station had a wider audience. I feel Adore, Alyssa, Katya and Trixie deserve more recognition.

And more news on Alyssa, she talked more with Tatianna after she received the promotion. It was to be expected after all what with Alyssa being a reporter for the noon news show which Tati presented. At first they seemed really professional around each other, working together on how a story should go and what should be said. Alyssa wasn’t so nervous around her anymore.

And one day I just so happened to walk in on Alyssa having a mini break down over how her story was failing to go anywhere. Tatianna gave her tips and ideas of how they could make it all work. Alyssa would brush them off but Tati pushed her to do it. What a professional.

I know it seems like I was eavesdropping. I tried so hard to focus on my news script. But I couldn’t help but glance over from time to time to make sure Alyssa was OK. And about the third time I looked around, Tati had just kissed her, pulling away and squeezing her shoulders. I kept in an excited squeal as I felt a rush of happiness for Alyssa. She finally got the one she really wanted. It turned out that they had been seeing each other now that they were working so closely. It just felt right seeing them so happy.

And my happiness? Let’s just say I’m 100% content with life right now. I haven’t properly spoken to Willam yet. We’ve said a few things at the station like when we’re in meetings we share comments on ideas. And sometimes she’ll ask if I want tea to which I don’t turn my nose up at her but gratefully accept. I don’t know where we stand right now. But I’m happy with the way things are.

Adore comes around my place religiously. She says it’s because she likes hanging out with me, but I know the other reason is because of Bailey. Most of our days consist of sitting on the living room floor, talking about random things while playing with my puppy. I love Adore’s company. She’s so quick and witty which never fails to make me laugh. I’m glad she exists. Everyone thank the lord for Adore.

“Courtney?”

“Sorry. What?” I snap out of my train of thought looking to Adore who’s being attacked with kisses from Bailey.

“I said let’s go to the mall and play hide and seek.” She proposes.

Am I a child or a 30 year old woman?

Yes.

“Sounds great.”

 

* * *

 

Adore and I giggle like two idiots as we walk around the large shopping mall. Alaska is looking after Bailey just so we can play hide and seek in such a large space. What dorks. But honestly, it sounds fun right? Again. Thank the lord for Adore.

“OK, bitch!” Adore practically shouts feeling very obnoxious (but in a good way.) “I’m gonna go hide now. Gimme a minute before you come looking for me.”

“A minute??” I exclaim.

“Yeah. Maybe 2. Have you seen the size of this place?” Adore’s eyes widen as she looks around.

“OK. I’ll be in that store over there. I’m giving you 2 minutes. Better make it count.” I smile mischievously.

“Oh, I will! I already know where I’m hiding.” She laughs taking a few steps away.

“1..2…” I begin.

And she’s off. Literally running and trying to dodge the people. I shake my head and laugh quietly at the immaturity we possess.

I wander around the clothes shop about 2 minutes, admiring the items on display. After the 2 minutes is up, I’m on the hunt.

Now, if I was Adore…where would I hide? Maybe her favourite clothes shop? Nah, too easy. Well she could be hiding behind the clothes. No, too obvious. Maybe somewhere big. Some difficult to find anyone.

…

IKEA!

I make my way to the store, determined she will be there. Why wouldn’t you hide in IKEA? Yes, it’s predictable but difficult to find anyone. I mean, how many times have you seen a parent looking for their lost kid in IKEA.

I search around the display rooms, looking in every shower and cupboard. So far no where to be seen. Yep, this was definitely hard. There are so many display rooms. Would she choose one that she likes? Or would that be too obvious. What about one absolutely terrible looking? Or is that also too obvious.

I continue looking around the store, getting strange looks from shoppers as I inspect the display rooms carefully. After a few minutes, I’ve found her. There’s a bed covered in a red satin sheets and clearly there is a person underneath. I cautiously approach the bed making sure there’s no peek holes she could be spying from in order to plan an escape. Oh my gosh, it sounds like I’m a kidnapper or something.

I grab the top of the covers and pull back hard to reveal that it indeed was Adore. She yelped out in surprise and covered her form with her arms.

“Get out of my room, you heathen! I am without clothing!” She practically shouts.

I laugh and shush her looking around to see a few people shaking their heads. “People are going to approach us.”

“Well who wouldn’t wanna approach us, man.” Adore giggles pulling me down on the bed beside her. “Two very good looking women in a red satin bed is a fucking magical attraction in my opinion.”

I laugh and playfully slap her hands off of me. “Come on, let’s get out of here fast!”

“Hey!”

My ears prick up as we both turn our heads to the abrupt voice. Oh shit. A member of staff.

“What do you think you two are doing?? Get out of that bed and get the hell outta here before I call mall security.” He threatens with a pointed tone.

I hastily get off the bed with a face red with embarrassment. But honestly I’m also dying laughing.

“Fine.” Adore sulks standing up. I try to make the bed again as Adore continues to talk to the man. “Me and my newly wed wifey will just go else where to find our new bed. Come on, Courtney.”

She extends her hand to me which I take and walk away as people just shake their heads.

“Oh my God. We just got kicked out of IKEA.” I speak in a quiet voice as exit the store.

“I know. How punk rock.” Adore laughs aloud. She let’s go of my hand and turns to me. “OK, you’re turn to hide now.”

“You really wanna keep playing after what just happened?”

“Yeah, duh! I’m giving you 2 minutes.”

“Are you sure we should?”

“1…2…3…” Adore smiles as she begins to count.

All I can do is smirk as I run from her. I try to think of a place to hide. But I can’t stop thinking about the fact we just got kicked out of IKEA for testing a bed. I swear being with Adore, you just forget about what everyone else thinks. It’s good to let yourself go sometimes.

The smell of coffee hits my nostrils and it smells so good. I look around and find a Starbucks. How long has it been since Adore started counting? Better hide now than worry about being caught too early. I make my way inside, sitting at a two person table that just so happens to have a newspaper laying there. I hold the paper up pretending to read. While I wait, I feel nervous about being caught at any moment. Ever get that feeling while playing hide and seek when your stomach is in a knot and you don’t want to breathe. That’s me right now.

I hear the seat in front of me pull out. A bag is placed on the table. How could she possibly have found me already??

“What’s with the paper cover up? You got a zit or herpes, girl?”

My newspaper flies down at the sound of the familiar voice. It’s not Adore. It’s Willam.

“Oh, no.” I reply nervously tucking my hair behind my ear. “I’m just…hiding.”

Willam looks around cautiously. “From who?”

“Oh, just Adore.” I stifle a laugh. “We’re playing hide and seek.”

“Really? Sounds great. So she’s looking for you right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, maybe I should go sit somewhere else before I make it obvious where you are.” Willam says as she begins to stand up.

I don’t let her get too far though. My hand shoots out and grabs hers. “Wait a second.”

Willam looks puzzled for a few seconds before sitting down again.

I just look at her for a while, thinking of something to say. I open my mouth but close it again. And repeat the action again. I guess it’s best to come right out with it. “I just want to let you know that I forgive you, Willam.”

“Really?” Her eyes widen as she looks bewildered.

“Yeah, the past few weeks I’ve felt happier in just living my life as it happens. I needed to stop feeling so sorry for myself and get on with things. And when we started talking again at the station, maybe not a lot but…it just felt things were back to normal. And it makes me happy. But I just want you to know up front that I accept your apology and can move on from what happened.”

Willam sighs out relief. “Well thank God. I kinda still thought you were mad at me and didn’t really know what to do. I thought we were doing that 'lets-be-civil’ bullshit. But I’m glad.”

“Maybe we can just see what happened as a learning experience from now on.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Willam smiles to which I smile back. “Thanks, Court’.”

“No problem.” I reply. “So- -”

“There you are!”

Adore is now standing beside us at the table. “I looked forever man. I thought you’d be in the pet store or Victoria’s Secret.” She then looks to Willam. “Oh hey, girl.”

“Evening.” Willam replies. “To be honest I’d probably see Courtney hiding somewhere difficult like a parking lot.”

I curse as the idea didn’t even cross my mind.

“Oh me too. But you’d find me either smoking weed or offering services.” Adore laughed.

“Count me in then.” I say rolling my eyes at the thought of it.

“And me too.” Willam agrees.

“How about you join us, man.” Adore offers Willam. “When was the last time you played extreme hide and seek?”

“I don’t know. I’m kind of hungover and need a coffee.” Willam replies.

“Oh come on it’ll be fun!” I whine giving Willam puppy dog eyes.

“Guys, I know I live my life on the edge but I’m not 10.” Willam retorts.

Adore and I look to each other, smirking. And then back to Willam.

“1…2…3…” We chant in unison.

A smirk creeps onto Willam’s face as she shakes her head. “Goddammit.”

And with that she gets up and quickly leaves the cafe out of our sight.

“I feel like she’s gonna be really good at hiding. Let’s give her one minute to hide.” I suggest.

“OK, I won’t tell her if you wont.” Adore says sitting down.

Adore and I discuss the possibilities of where Willam would choose as her hiding space and I smile all the while. Not just because of the current situation but also because of the overwhelming sense of relief. That remaining sense of sadness can finally leave my body as I breathe out. And it’s so uplifting. And now is the time for a new chapter in my life to begin. No more searching for someone who I believe is the only one when there are so many more opportunities out there waiting. No more being fooled by an emotion that tricks me into behaving like someone who I am not. No more thoughts of life being over in moments of heartbreak. No more negativity.

I guess this is the end to my infinite search for love and the beginning to living life as it happens. Who knows what will happen? I could find my true love tomorrow – next week – next year. I’ll never know. But I just got to wait. And while I wait, I’ll make sure to live life to the fullest.


	14. Chapter 14

**One year later**

Alaska and I sit on the comfy white chairs at the end of the row in order to get a good view of the aisle. Well, I don’t even know if you could call it an aisle.

“You know how this is a beach? Would this even count as an aisle?” I propose (no pun intended) to Alaska who is fanning herself with her wedding invitation.

“Of course…” she drawls. “I mean…is that an alter?” She asks pointing to the stand ahead of us where Willam’s soon to be husband, Bruce, stood nervously along with some grooms men. “Are these wedding theme flower decorations?” She continues, leaning over me to play with one of the white petals of the flowers attached to my chair.

“I know but…there’s no carpet or anything. Just sand.” I observe, briefly slipping my foot out of my shoe to feel the sand between my toes.

“Well it’s better than sitting inside a stone cold church.” Alaska shrugs. “But I suppose the heat isn’t any better.”

“You can say that again.” I reply rolling my eyes. I take the wedding invite from her and fan myself to which she snatches it back. The heat is quite humid but it did make me happy that Willam would have her special day on a sunny afternoon.

“I’ll let you have the fan if you let me have the outer seat.” She drawls, lowering her sunglasses at me.

“My camera is the best therefore I need the better view. God, Alaska.”

“God, Courtney.” Alaska rebukes.

I look around at the other guests, anxiously awaiting for the Bride-to-be to arrive, when I see Dela approach.

“Hi, girls. You both look lovely.” She compliments.

“Thanks. I thought it was too casual. I couldn’t upstage Willam on her special day.” I smirk, smoothing down my pastel pink dress.

“I wanted a black dress but Courtney and Adore wouldn’t let me. Apparently black only works for funerals.” Alaska replies. I admire her floor length teal dress. Man, even if she did get the black equivilant she’d be winning any funeral. Is that bad to say?

“Speaking of Adore, I haven’t seen her.” Dela says, her eyebrows coming together as confusion takes over.

“Well, she couldn’t come.” I reply as my face drops. “She got her own gig for the Pride celebrations.”

Dela’s eyes widen. “Well, I suppose thats sort of a plus.”

“Yeah, I mean she’s not performing in the parade or anything but a bar in town was interested in having her.” I smile.

“Guess it’s hard not having your other half with you considering you’re both glued at the hip.” Dela teases.

“You sure the heat isn’t just wildrawel symptoms hitting?” Alaska joins in.

“I feel very attacked right now.” I joke.

People around us begin to mutter with excitement and I distinctly make out, “she’s here!”

“Better get back to my seat. Bye, you two.” Dela waves quickly scooting back to her chair.

I turn to look down the aisle, waiting in anticipation.

“Courtney, try not to give birth, ok?” Alaska whispers.

“Shut up.” I whisper smirking at her.

I snap some pictures as the bridesmaid, Rhea, walks up the aisle in her purple satin dress, followed by another girl. They look so elegant and beautiful as they pass us by. When Rhea reaches the alter she beams a smile to Bruce. He nods to her and the other bridesmaid as they pass him.

My head whips around to the beginning of the aisle. And there she is. Willam slowly making her way to the alter, along with her Father who looks a tad emotional. She looks stunning in her dress. It comes to her midcalf and has a lacy pattern with a off shoulder look. And to add to the beach theme she doesn’t even have shoes. Just an anclet. Everyone is just so captivated by her image as she glides by.

I don’t even feel the need to take a picture. This is one of those moments you can’t help but sit and watch.

Upon reaching the alter, she takes Bruce’s hand giving him an adorable smile before casting one more glance at us guests. And I swear when she makes eye contact with me it’s as if she’s trying to say today is finally the day. Like she’s so excited. I just smile back to say I’m excited for her too.

The ceremony commences and not even a pin drop is heard. Willam and Bruce look around to eachother occasionally, whispering small comments. I just know that they were meant to eachother. I’m kind of glad she chose Bruce over me now.

Wait. Where did that come from? I haven’t thought about that in a year. Like, I legit kind of forgot it happened. Not that me and Willam were a shit couple. I had so much fun when I was with her and even learned to live life to the fullest. But I’ve genuinely pushed the memories to the back of my brain to focus on the present. I suppose saying she chose Bruce over me is kind of an arrogant way to say it. So, scratch that. I’m glad that they are here on this day celebrating eachothers love.

Soon Willam and Bruce exchange their vows and rings looking to each other lovingly. The minister declares they are now married and they kiss. Everyone claps at the exchange.

I hear a quiet sobbing from the row opposite from where I sit. It’s Alyssa, quietly sobbing and dabbing at her eyes. Trails of mascara are running down her cheeks but shes more concerned about being silent than the state of her face. Tatianna puts her arm around her shoulder and tries to help wipe the tears away.

“I wonder how she would be on her own wedding day.” I comment looking around to Alaska. Oh no, she’s crying too.

She sniffs, using an index finger to dab at her eyes. “I’m crying.”

“Would never have guessed.” I reply, grabbing her hand and squeezing it.

As the clapping subsides, I look back to Willam and Bruce who now hug. I feel like I’m watching a romantic scene from a soppy love story but can’t help but feel my own eyes being to fill up.

“Bitch, join the club.” Alaska comments, taking tissues from her bag, one for her and one for me.

“Don’t even.” I say, as I dab my eyes with the soft material.

 

* * *

 

“You thirsty bitches ready??” Willam shouts as a group of women emerges in front of the chair she’s standing on. She turns, counts down from 3 and tosses her bouqet behind her.

The group dashes for the flowers desperately trying to snatch them. But in the end only one would be the holder. But in this case, it ended with two.

“What are you doing, girl. I caught that bouquet!” Alyssa tries to grab the bouqet from Tatianna.

“No. I did. You’re just a sore loser.” Tatianna holds the flowers up high away from Alyssa’s reach.

“Just give them to me!” Alyssa whines.

“You idiot. No matter who has it we’re gonna get married anyway.”

Alyssa stops jumping around and her lip quivers. “You really want to? Oh my Gosh.”

And she’s off. Tati hugs her as she begins to cry again.

“Christ, get a room.” Willam cackles still on top of the chair. “Courtney, help me down?”

I approach the chair and offer my hand to help the lovely Bride from her throne. “I must warn you I’m slightly drunk. Only slightly.”

Willam climbs down from the chair carefully. “Thanks. I plan to get drunk pretty soon. I’ve made my appearance. Said my hellos. Now is time to really party.”

“Made an appearance? It’s  _your_ day.” I say as my brows knit together.

“Yeah, but I can’t just show up to my own Wedding ready for the party. Maybe someone elses Wedding. Like that’s if they know the kind of person I am when I’m drunk which is a mess.” Willam laughs, running her hands down her dress to smooth the fabric.

“Well I hope the rest of your night is just as great as it has been so far.” I reply looking around at the scenery. The reception area, which is really a sort of canopy but bigger, is really nice. Fairy lights and bobbles serve as lighting giving the place a mellow vibe. The tables we had all previously used were now pushed to the side to make room for a dance floor. Most people are already up dancing.

A waiter passes by with a tray of cocktails. Willam takes two and offers one to me.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Mimosas. They’re pretty good.” Willam replies, chugging the cocktail. I copy her move not expecting the high taste of sweet citrus. My face scrunches up as I swallow.

“God, it’s a cocktail not a shot.” She chuckles.

“Says the one who knocked it back like it was a shot.” I dig back.

“I want it to hit faster.” Willam replies just as the music changes from energetic to slow. “Come on, bitch, lets go dance.”

“Um…shouldn’t you be dancing with your husband?”

“We already had our first dance. Nows time for my friends.”

Willam takes my hand and drags me to the dance floor. She looks to me as I stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do. Willam wraps one arm around me planting her hand firmly on my back. Her free hand takes mine. I awkwardly place my hand on her shoulder. We rock side to side to the rhythm of the music. I occasionally glance down to my feet to make sure I’m doing the right moves. I  _can_  dance. It’s just right now it feels weird. Why is this so awkward?

“God, Courtney, I didn’t know you were such a stiff dancer.” Willam says stifling a laugh.

“I can dance. It’s just…I don’t know…” I stumble upon my words and maybe soon my feet.

“What’s wrong?” She presses her concern.

“I…” How I do I word this without making it sound so awkward. “I don’t know what other way to say it but…I don’t want people to think we’re getting close again. Especially Bruce.”

“Ohh!” Willam looks away to her husband who’s dancing with his drunk Mom. “He’s fine. He knows we’re good friends now. And if anyone else starts assuming shit I’ll make it clear that our friendship is just a pretty close one.”

“OK.” I laugh.

“Well, maybe not super close considering you and Adore are with each other nearly everyday. My brother actually thought you two were dating and was asking where she was.”

I blush at the thought of the idea. “Not to mention the fact I was her Valentine this year.” I pause to laugh. “Sorry she couldn’t be here. She has a gig.”

“Oh, I know. She told me. She offered to cancel and show up tonight instead. But I told her to keep the gig. I mean, it’s her dream to be famous.” Willam sighs. “Adore Delano…soon to be international super star.”

“Glad we can both agree on that. She’s got big things coming her way.”

“The dirty whore.” Willam jokes.

“Not in that way, you slag. Get your mind out of the gutter.” I laugh.

“You know me.” Willam smirks. “Hows the dog by the way?”

“Bailey? He’s fine. He’s not so small anymore. He’s grown quite a bit since you last came around. He makes Alyssa nervous ‘cause he likes to jump up on people a lot. And she was the one who gave him to me.” I laugh.

“Poor Alyssa. Give her some weed. She’ll be totally relaxed and then they can be friends again.” Willam suggests.

“I can’t imagine Alyssa stoned. But that will be the day.” I reply. “One day Adore was just so out of it she just lay on the floor talking about the weirdest shit while Bailey just whined at her. It was like he was begging for attention.”

“Aw…sounds cute.” Willam exclaimed. “Sounds like my future to be honest. Did I mention I’m thinking of getting a dog?”

“Oh that’s cool. What kind?”

“Bruce has totally left the descision up to me. I love him so much.” Willam glanced over again at Bruce with loving eyes. “I was thinking of a St Bernard. Haven’t thought of a name yet. Maybe…Warner.”

“I like the sound of that actually.” I respond.

“OK, then Warner it is.” Willam smiles at the thought. “Christ, I told you all you needed was to relax. You’re dancing fine now.”

“I know.” I reply bashfully. “Anyway, I hope you’re really enjoying your day.”

“Oh, I am. It feels correct. And I bagged me a really good man.” Willam smiles.

“I’m glad.” I beam back. “I’m happy for you, Willam.”

“Ugh, don’t get soppy.”

“Shut up. It’s a wedding. Everyone gets soppy. I mean just look at Katya and Trixie.”

We look around to the pair who are slow dancing also. Trixie is already drunk and Katya’s there taking care of her. They’re both lip syncing the words of the song to each other in a rather dramatic way. Their eyes never leave eachothers which looks more like the world’s most intense staring contest. It’s quite funny actually. My eyes shift to Alyssa and Tatianna also dancing. The pair occasionally make quiet comments and giggle. Then I see Alaska, Detox and Roxxxy in a three way side step sort of thing. Then Raven and Raja. Jaremi and his boyfriend, Mikhael. And it’s not even just couples. Bruce is there dancing with his Mother. Jay with DJ. Even Bianca is dancing with Bruce’s niece.

“You’re right. Everyone’s getting soppy. This is one real ass Wedding.” Willam says looking back to me. “Congrats to me for having the best Wedding ever.”

“Yeah.” I look back to her as the music changes back to an up beat 80’s song. “You deserve it.”

 

* * *

 

The next day I’m back at Tune 105. Some of the team took the day off due to the huge hangovers the night before had brought on. But not me. I’m committed to what I do. But my head is still pounding.

I’m already finished my news script and have a two hour wait before it’s read. I retreat to the broadcasting room. No one is currently presenting so there’s a free session of music for a while. I look through the library to choose what to line up next. I’m feeling very 80’s today. Yeah, that’ll do.

I line up a song when Adore enters the room. “Hey, bitch. How’s your head?”

“Never had any complaints.” I reply. She’s silent for a while before she actually gets the joke and cackles. I look to her and laugh briefly before looking back to the screen. “But yeah, I’m suffering. I’d rather be in bed right now. But someone has to do the news script.”

“Yeah, but Agnes and Alex aren’t supposed to be here for another two hours.” Adore notes.

“I know. But I like having free time. I can just jam out in here for a while.” I reply looking through the rest of the music library. The song I had picked began to play and Cyndi Lauper’s vocals filled the room.

“You’re so on board with your job. I haven’t even figured out my story for the noon news show yet.” Adore groaned sitting on one of the guest chairs and kicking her feet up on the desk.

“Just like every other day?” I dig.

“Leave me alone, Mom. I just like goofing around with the others before getting stuck into it. Man it’s so funny watching Alyssa get pissed. She’s like ‘How y'all gonna be professional when y'all just gawking at stupid videos online? Yehaw!'” Adore speaks in a highly stereotypical Texan accent.

“Since when does Alyssa say 'yehaw’?” My brows knit together as I squint my eyes at her. I can’t help but laugh though.

“You know what I mean. When she’s working she’s so on board with it. I swear Tatianna has made her a more serious person. I’m glad she’s still good old Alyssa when she’s out of the station though.” Adore says, picking at her chipped nails.

“Yeah. You missed the fight she had over the bouquet last night. And by the end of the night she was on the stage trying to sing along with the ballads and kept doing those sharp dance moves she does.” I laughed recalling the memories.

“Shit. No way! Fuck I’m jelly I missed the fun now. What else happened?” Adore asks highly intrigued.

“Well I cried when Willam and Bruce kissed. It was really cute I couldn’t help it. And I danced with her for a bit. Then everyone got drunk and I think I gave a lecture on why Vegemite is the best thing ever made.” I say rolling my eyes. “Oh, and I showed practically everyone photos of you and I and talked about how amazing our friendship is. And some pictures of Bailey too.”

“God, I’m so pissed I missed it now. I really wanted a slow dance. All I do is slut drop and fall on my ass. I wanted to try something new.” Adore whines again.

“Well, there will be other weddings.” I suggest. “Looks like Alyssa and Tati are going to be next. Well, most likely.”

“But I can’t wait that long.” Adore groans. She’s silent for a few seconds before standing up. She walks over to where I’m sitting. I spin my chair so I’m facing her and she extends a hand to me.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Offering you drugs, kid.” She smirks. “I’m kidding. Let’s dance and jam out.”

“Now?”

“Fuck yeah, right now.”

I shrug as if to say fuck it. I take her hand and stand. She fulls me away from the desk to a more open space of the room. Adore kisses my hand and puts on a creepy face.

“Haw haw haw, mademoiselle. You’re hand is so soft and smooth, but upon my lips touching the skin it feels like escargot.” Adore speaks in a low terrible French accent.

“That’s the most offensive and appalling French accent I’ve ever heard.” I laugh.

Adore pulls me close to her looping her arms around my waist. “Shut up. You loved it.”

My hands plant firmly on her shoulders as we sway side to side. “No, it was awful. Ask Katya to give you lessons. She’s fluent in French.”

“Honestly, do you think we’d get anything done if she gave me lessons in French?” Adore raised an eyebrow.

“OK, maybe not. Alyssa would be super pissed then.“

“And Dela. And Bianca.” Adore’s eyes widen. “Oh God, Bianca would murder us. She’d probably fire all our asses. She’s one scary bitch.”

“Yeah she can be a little bit sharp at times but last night she was fun to be around. She was cracking all these jokes and making people laugh. Honestly, anyone who didn’t know her was convinced she was a hired comedian.”

“Oh I’ve heard a few of her jokes from the staff does. Haven’t you seen her impersonations of me when she’s drunk? Like she never does it for anyone else. Just me.”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Maybe I just have a strong personality.”

“I guess you could say that. You definitely do leave an impression on people.” I say. “Not a bad one. I mean like, it kind of creates a good vibe, you know?”

“Really? Doesn’t sound like me. I feel like I annoy people more than anything.”

“No, really. Adore, you just have this upbeat personality and it always makes me smile. Why do you think we’ve become so close? I just really love hanging out with you. It’s honestly like you see life as this one big adventure and always see the fun in everything and who doesn’t want to live like that? I wanna say 'fuck you’ to the world and have a great time. And you’re the perfect person to do it all with.”

Adore’s silent for a while taking in everything I’ve just said. “Wow. You should write a book about how amazing I am, man.” She pauses to laugh. “But yeah, thanks for that lovely boost to my ego. You’re OK, too.”

“Just OK? Really?”

“Yeah, you gotta live another 2 years on the edge to get to where I’m at and then maybe you’ll be as cool as me.” Adore teases.

“You’re such a bitch.” I tease, lightly slapping her cheek to which she acts highly offended.

“Save the slapping for the bedroom, honey.” She responds, raising her eyebrows in false disbelief.

I blush at the comment and just shake my head.

And then Cyndi Lauper fades out to play something a bit more upbeat.

“Is this  _Ain’t no Mountain high enough??_  I fucking love this song!” Adore pulls out of our dance covering her mouth with her hands. She squeals with excitement and jumps up and down on the spot for a bit.

“God, I haven’t seen you this excited since Bailey’s first bath time.” I comment.

“Oh, man. This song just makes me feel so good, you know?” Adore speaks as she settles down. She closes her eyes and begins to sway on the spot. “Jay and I sometimes listen to this when we smoke.”

“Of course you do.” I tease. I take a seat in front of the system again but keep watching Adore.

“Such a feel good song, man. If my life was a movie, this would be the credits song.” She speaks smoothly.

“Very cliché. You’re a cinematic genius.” I say sarcastically.

“No room for cliché’s in my life, man. Only the spontaneous welcome.” She remarks as she begins stepping side to side.

My eyes stay on her as she begins to lift her arms and practically float around on the spot. She quietly sings along to the song as it continues to play.

“Don’t judge me.” She pauses to say.

“I’m not.” I reply. Because truly I’m not. I’m enjoying just watching her dance along to the music. It’s relaxing and makes me feel tingles. For someone with so much high energy, she moves so gracefully and it’s hard to take your eyes away. And not to mention how stunning she is. Right now everything about her is just so captivating and it’s making my heart beat faster.

Wait. My heart is really pounding right now. Like, really pounding. But I can’t take my eyes away from Adore. And the smile doesn’t leave my face.

…And now it’s hit me.

It’s her. Adore. She’s the one for me. The person I am so crazily in love with is standing right in front of me and has been for a long time now. It’s literally just hit me now. Every time I’m with her I feel so alive. When she makes those flirty comments I laugh as if it’s some dumb joke but inside I’m really melting. When people joke about how close we are, I turn red because I know deep down that it’s because I really do love her. And I couldn’t be happier now that I’ve realised it and look forward to see where this goes.

I guess love has been around me for some time now and I’ve been too blind to see it. But knowing now gives me the warmest feeling, knowing who I truly love.

It’s always been Adore.


End file.
